This is my time clock.
So after that whole a minister walks in and says “I like your blog” gig, I was walking into another meeting for the church. They’ve caught on that I’m a writer, because my therapist, Gary, says I have to start telling people it’s what I do, “I’m a writer.” They’ve caught on, because I’ve told them. That’s how I began helping with the Sunday School Curriculum. If these people had any clue to my psyche. They do now, because the words, “Well, can I do it and NOT work kids?” Actually came out of my mouth…again. Even better, they said yes. So, I’m walking into Sunday School Curriculum meeting when I see most of the staff circled around the work desk area in the church office.
Being my hilarious self that I think I am, I greet them all with, “Is this an intervention?” It looks like they’ve lured me in and that’s what it is, an intervention. They’ve found me out, they’re letting me go. I’ve never been fired from being from a volunteer (it’s hard to fire someone who doesn’t volunteer). But I think I’m about to be ousted.
They all laugh at my very funny joke and then new Administrator guy says, “Well, hahahah, if you mean by volunteering in the front office, then yes, it’s your very own intervention.”
That’s where the funny stops. Because I’ve gotten myself into a little too much fun at the church. Which is weird. I mean, a few months ago, I was a part of a church which I’m pretty sure had no idea what my talents were, and didn’t care. I’m pretty sure that church doesn’t don’t ask for volunteers. They might TELL you what to do, but since they refused to make eye contact with me, they never told me to do anything but give them money. Which I didn’t.
Anyways, it’s been a while since I’ve been active in a church. And by “a while” I mean like 20 years. I’ve gone from you might or might not see me on Sunday, depending on the holiday, but probably not _ to, can I get an office here since I’m up here so much? I’m actually trying to cut back on volunteering at this church I love to hang out at. So when Administrator guy asks if I could volunteer, my initial response is “Sure! What do you need?!” But I can’t say it outloud. Gary, my writing therapist, and Ricardo say I shouldn’t, anyways.
Instead I joke right back with new Administrator guy, “Well, if by ‘volunteering’ you mean paid part time position…then yes, I’m here for this intervention!” Hahahaha.
Famous last words. Careful what you one up someone about with your quick wit, Les. It turns out new Administrator guy did indeed need volunteers and they are also offering a paying position to work in the office part_time. Which is funny in a put yourself out there in the universe kind of way, because I needed a part time job.
Just the very day before all this hub bub in the church office went down, I’d been solidifying how to quit teaching. I’m burnt out, had enough, or as my kids like to say, “Always angry at students.” In my quest to be that writer, Ricardo supported my decision to quit teaching, and write.
Getting a part_time job was my idea. I had a small list of requirements:
1. Work at office, away from home. Leave work at the office. Never bring it home.
2. I have to enjoy the people I’m working with. No A_holes. And they all have to laugh at my jokes.
3. Whatever the job is, I want to be useful and helpful and smile a lot.
I’d started searching around on the internet for part_time jobs, but I could tell quickly that my very basic job requirements were possibly too high of a bar set. Until I walked into the church and all this interventionness happened.
I’m not so naive to believe that an entire church staff is fun to work for simply because it’s a church. It’s probably the opposite in most other churches. But not this one _ they are down_to_earth, uplifting, humble and fun folk. Every day I go to work eager and happy. I joke with the rest of the staff, and by contract _ because I made them write it in _ they laugh at all of my very funny jokes.
Had you told me a couple of years ago that I’d be working as a secretary (new Administrator guy keeps telling me I’m an Administrative Assistant, but that assigns too much responsibility to me…so I secretly go with the title of secretary behind his back. Shhh, don’t tell him) for a church, I’d probably have laughed in your face. But here we are, almost 40 years old, Master’s degree _ and part_time secretary for my church. And I couldn’t be happier about it.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: Happy Working Song by Amy Adams from the Enchanted Soundtrack Click on this link. It’s EXACTLY what I look like at work.

You are cordially invited to the funeral I attended last week. You need to see what your mention of “well, that’s a RARE side effect” really means.
Signed, VERY Angry Mom on the Rocks
There are three general questions every doctor and pharmacist should ask when tending to a patient with any medical problem:
1. What’s your diet like?
2. Are you taking any other medications?
3. What’s your physical activity look like?
So when someone comes in and says they can’t sleep, talking through these three simple questions can probably come up with several solutions. But instead, what happens, is, while you’re talking the doctor is writing a script for Lunesta. Because the Lunesta representative (i.e. drug pusher) brought everyone in your doctor’s office lunch last Friday, and it was so yummy!
Please read this chilling report here. Read the “reaction” headings. Every single one of them.
What happened to our friend, on our friend’s side of this issue, was a COMPLETE ACCIDENT. This was completely out of character for him. He’d been taking Lunesta for three days. I equate it to the fact that he might as well have been out riding his bike, and hit and killed by an inattentive driver. The inattentive driver being the doctor who prescribes this killer pill.
On the side of the doctors who prescribe it, the pharmacists who fill it and the drug pushers who push it, they are liable for his death, and all the other deaths too. Because one of the side effects for Lunesta is “may cause suicidal tendencies”. That’s a lie. It doesn’t cause tendencies, it causes suicide. It will kill you.
In the thirty seconds I researched Ambien and Lunesta, I’ve just learned that the drugs slow your brain down. I’m not an insomniac, and so I can’t imagine how desperate people who can’t sleep really are to simply sleep. But chemically slowing your brain down doesn’t sound like a real good idea for any of us. Particularly when the drug reports suggest that when it’s not working, people tend to take extra, slowing their brains down too much, and consequently dying.
Please for the sake of people who love you and need you, please talk to your doctors about getting off of these deadly pills. If you’re taking it right now, be sure to talk to your doctor about weaning off of it. And be sure that you tell people you love, people you live with and everyone around you to keep an eye on you.
I remember taking Max to the doctor about his allergies. The doctor wanted me to put him on Allegra. Since Max was SEVEN YEARS OLD at the time, I said to my doctor, “Doesn’t that cause depression?” Her response, “Well, it’s pretty rare.” Uh well, that’s enough for me. So I explained to the doctor that I’d rather have my son stuffy than sad or moody. Then I did my research. Once I discovered a pal of mine who is a pharmacist won’t give his daughter Allegra, I was validated.
Please don’t take Lunesta or Ambien. Those are just the drugs that have directly affected me today. I know there’s other drugs out there. Remember this, if one of the side effects says “may cause XYZ” it says that by law because it DID cause that side effect to someone who took it and reported it.
Please take care of yourselves, do your research before you go to the doctor and before you take the prescription. Ask questions, lots of questions. Read the labels to all of your prescription medications. Take those labels seriously and literally. Any time a doctor writes you a script, review all of the other medications you’re taking. Review your lifestyle and diet and if it’s a fit with the drugs. When you pick up the meds at the pharmacy, make that pharmacist talk to you _ review your current medications with the pharmacist, review why you’re taking that drug. Rip open the stapled bag before you leave the pharmacist and confirm that the drug in the bottle is the drug prescribed and the drug your doctor verbally articulated to you.
Talk to your family and friends about the drugs you are taking or if you’re feeling off. Through dialogue of people we trust and who’ve had similar experience, maybe we can help each other.
We’ll miss you, bud. This song’s for you.
Song of the day: I’ll Fly Away by Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch from the O Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack

Perhaps I’ve mentioned my very awesome gym here, here, here, or here. I really love my gym. It’s got the best steam room in the universe, and other stuff too. I love the set up, love the facility, but mostly, I love the people there. And I’m not just saying that so that I’m not mauled the next time I go to the gym. They truly are a well_informed, caring and uniting group of folks up there.
So, I wanted to do a personal plug and tell you that on Sunday, it’s the BIG BLAST PARTY! Yay! How fun is that? I’ll tell you how fun it is _ can you say giant water slide? Woohoo! Everyone gets in free at the gym. So, be sure to come check out where my creative writing and workouts happen.
Be sure to tell them you heard about their super party from Mom on the Rocks. And if you see me in the steam room, or any where else, then please say hello!
Big Blast Open House Pool Party @ Prairie Life Fitness, 2275 S 132nd St
Omaha, NE 68144
Here’s their ad:
Bring the family for an exciting day at Prairie Life! We will have a bounce house, giant slip n’ slide, free lunch, adult classes, prizes, games and plenty more for the whole family! We are also inviting all guests who get in FREE for the day. Invite friends, family, co_workers and neighbors! The party will be on June 24th from 11am_3pm, see you then!
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: Work It by Missy Elliot

You know, when your minister comes up to you and says, “I read your blog, you’re funny.” Well, that might make you proud. But it kinda sent me into a panic.
I’m already on a self_induced edge of waiting for this new church to find me out and oust us. If Max could wear a tshirt to church that said “I’m here for the donut holes” he would. I mean, as you can see, the last church I was a part of _ well, I didn’t really fit in, shall we say? NO one kicked me out, but there were glares, and eye rolls, and a lot of awkward moments in confession. So, this new gig, well, I’m just waiting for the, “Yeah, our Inn is full.” Or something. But apparently, it’s not. And they keep letting me in. Which is good, because I don’t mean to get all churchy up in here, but churchily speaking, this minister really speaks to me.
It helps that they’re playing SNL clips like “Living in a Van Down By the River” or on Youth Sunday, they played a clip from Taladega Nights when Ricky Bobby prays to the Tiny Baby Jesus. My dad would refer to this as “The Church of What’s Happening”.
Back to my brief encounter of panic and head_swelling ego conversation. The minister comes up to me and says, “I read you’re blog. You’re really funny.” And rather than just take it as a compliment, I braced myself for the ousting. But then the man defied all assumptions, and boldly stepped further into the world of Leslie with, “Would you be interested in guest blogging for us?”
Okay, seriously y’all. What? I mean, did he REALLY read my blog? If he had, he would never ask me to guest blog. Is he messing with me? What the heck is going on? I continue to panic and remember what my latest post was. I’m pretty sure it might have been this one. Which affirms that this guy is either completely crazy or completely brilliant. I go with both and agree to be a guest blogger.
I wait for him to end the conversation with, “Yeah, hahaha, I was just kidding! GOTCHA!” But he didn’t. Instead, he followed up on our conversation with instructions on how to access the blog. Oh dear God, he MEANT IT. Uh_oh.
You can find the church website and blog here. I bet you figure out which ones are my posts REAL quick. My favorite is the Meatloaf Metaphors. Oh sure I’m making some kind of bizarre “contribution” to my community and church. But it just doesn’t feel quite like I’m qualified among theologians and authors and composers and then there’s me. And it’s really been hitting me hard lately, I’ve got to stop walking around feeling like I’m getting away with something.
This minister asked me to write for these blog series for a reason _ he thinks I can do it, that I have a voice, and that others would get something out of my contribution. I’m surrounded by my family and friends who think I can write. I’ve been to writing workshop counseling sessions begging me to believe I can do this. Why am I the only one who doesn’t believe in me?
And so, this “contribution” has finally turned a new side for me. I’m finally getting what I feel like each of you has already known _ I can do this. I’m on it.
I go to read the first reading of the next series and there it is _ the series “Gifts”, the first week: “The Gift of Failure”. Oh, okay, mister minister guy. I get it. And thank you.
In that quest of doubting my self_doubt _ I’m trying to not make the super funny jokes about myself. But they’re so funny _ I can’t help it. It’s hard to break a 37_year_old habit of beating someone to the punchline about me. The thing is, no one was racing me in the first place.
So, I start my quest of building and honest and humbling self_deprecated soul up a little bit. And then the same minister comes up to me and says he has a question for me. What do I do _ immediately assume he’s going to ask me to not worry about finishing out the 6_week blog series. I mean, really, the last one was a spiritually guided metaphor to my meatloaf recipe.
He looks pretty serious and then just when I think I’m about to be figured out, he hits me with, “Would you be interested in guest blogging for the next series?”
“Really?” He looks at me with just a slight annoyance of my stupid self_doubt sprinkled with very funny jokes act. But he’s my minister, so it’s super slight.
I just received an email asking if I’d come speak to a Women’s Conference about encouraging women to do triathlons. Did y’all have some kind of meeting about me and is this an intervention?
How do you doubt yourself? How do you correct that stupid doubt?
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: The Cave by Mumford & Sons

This is my office _ it’s “Take your dog to work day” everyday up in here. As you can see, Maybee prefers internet over cable as well.
We got rid of cable…again.
I know, I know. The history of our break up and reuniting with cable is exhausting. One time it was for principle. Then I had to fight for that principle with the cable mafia, apparently. And then we called back to get it turned back on because we got a great cool new tv, and then off again, and then back on because Conan switched to a rabbit ear free network. I got cable for the CoCo. You are welcome CoCo. But I fall asleep too early now. And now I find myself catching up with the CoCo online. Hmmm…..
This time, we’ve done some research and math.
If you think I’m about to talk you out of cable, and you have one iota of a logistical bone in your body, you should stop reading this now. So, here is why we’re getting rid of cable (this time):
First of all, I have taken drastic measures with the support of my husband to simplify my life, free up my schedule and claim I’m a writer. By drastic measures, I mean, I’ve quit my job as a college instructor and taken on a part time job. (More on that later). Still, once the kids get in bed, I crank on that tv and watch it until I fall asleep. That’s 3_4 more hours a night I could be writing. Let’s not forget the time I thought Wade Rouse was doing a tv intervention on me. And, if not writing, then I’ll just let you go on ahead and see what all sleep people say about falling asleep while watching tv. It doesn’t bode well. Which is why I pop 3 melatonin and wash it down with SleepyTime tea. Then in the morning, I crank up the coffee. Consider it my own little herbal Elvis regimen. The common denominator here is cable. We’re going on a week of no cable this time. I’ve offed myself from the melatonin, I’ve been falling asleep easier and I sleep well.
Secondly, my kids have apparently graduated from Disney and Nickelodeon. Say what you want about those channels, atleast they don’t play commercials for Viagra and Cialis. “Mom, what’s an erection and why is it bad if it lasts for more than 4 hours? And why are the two old people in two bathtubs on a lawn? Where do you get TWO bathtubs and why would you sit in them on your lawn?” And that’s in the middle of a Sunday on network tv watching a football game. Even better is the scientific proof that tv is mind numbing. Oh, sure, I’m concerned on that topic for the kids, but mamma could use some time out from mind numbing, I think we can all agree on that. Particularly the day Max turned on the Regular Show, and I said, “Oh, this episode is so funny!” Something ain’t right. (Still, for the record, it was the one with the 12_egg omelet. It’s hilarious and beyond what a kid could ever understand as insightful.)
Ofcourse the main reason we got rid of cable this time is because our kids can’t take their eyes off the tv to pay attention to us that one night a week we have together. Quite honestly, Ricardo and I are guilty of the same lack of attention to our kids on separate occasions. When we hurry on commercial to tuck them in, yeah, that’s not great. So, we’re doing it for the benefit of our family and our minds.
But just for fun, let’s do the math. I suppose I should fess up that in an effort for me to take ownership and accountability, we signed up for Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey. If you’re not familiar with it, check it out. It gets you thinking. I figure I’m making all these efforts to have a healthy body, and now with the cable, a healthy mind _ so why not take that forward and have healthy finances. It’s all connected, now isn’t it? Okay, so Dave Ramsey is pretty alright, he does some things I’d like to talk to him about, that annoy me. But the overall message has me rewiring my every move on how I spend money. Read in whisper: PSSST, Dave, call me some time. Let’s talk.
And so, we got to thinking on it _ let’s say we pay $50 for cable and another $50 for internet. We can get whatever shows we want on the internet. Mind you, we have smart phones, laptops, an ipad, ipods, and a pc here, and a fancy cable that connects our computers to that beautiful tv screen. Why in the world would I pay two bills for the same service when I can get both services in one? AND, I can get it anytime I want. AND, I can get it without the political ads and erection commercials. How about I drop my monthly bill $50, and use what I’m paying for (internet) more efficiently than for facebooking? How about that, Dave?
For the record, the cable folks still don’t get it. “What? You want to get rid of your cable? Why!?” And then, “So, you don’t watch ANY tv, really!?” But this time the guy had a Scottish accent, so, it was more pleasant and receptive for some reason. I was nicer to this guy.
A week into it, it’s working. I’m writing twice as much. I’m sleeping well. We’re all reading more. And I’m saving $50 a month.
So, if you’d prefer to spend more money to ignore your kids and numb your mind, that’s cool. I’m just sayin… And yes, chances are, something will come up and we’ll get the cable back on. But maybe not this time.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: I’m Gettin Money by 2 Pac

Not as great as I thought. And I don’t care what she says or how many talk shows she’s been on making her claims. That lady who said she had no waste for a year except what was in her little glass jar can suck it. She did not. No way. Not buying it. Not buying her book I bet she writes. Hope it’s an e_book _ cuz that’ll be a lot of WASTE of paper. Sigh.
When you read all this stuff on clean eating, they tout on how great it is on your body. I’ve mentioned before that it’s time consuming. It’s lots of preparation and chopping. LOTS of dishes. But I’m guessing that my be my personal preference to use every dish, bowl, utensil, and pan while cooking.
I think it’s a lot like potty training _ don’t do it when big life changes hit you. Although, for clean eating (not so much potty training) you want to feel nutritionally at your best when going through life changes. In the last 3 months, I’ve opted to quit teaching and find a part time job to simplify my schedule so that I could write more. Then I walked into an opportunity to work as a secretary with people I thoroughly enjoy. Clean eating hasn’t been hard until those kids got busy and I took a job where I had to leave my couch.
Today was my last day of teaching. I turned in my grades and washed my hands of it all. But up to this point, in the effort to simplify, I’d doubled up on jobs. Actually, two colleges and one part time job equals tripling up, I suppose. So simplify starts tomorrow _ right along with my diet, cleaning the house, and a new exercise training program. And by “new” exercise program, I mean any existent one.
The kids’ schedules finished up last week too. So, here we are, with freed up time to revisit a few goals. It’s like New Years Day _ but 5 months later. I’m not afraid to keep restarting and keep trying and learning what’s good for me and my family. I’m apparently really good at it. So, I’m going with it. But what I won’t do is try to suggest that I have been eating clean this whole time. The only thing I regret is suggesting I could do this wholly for a year. I am learning to make better choices. And it works for me. I’ll continue to log what I’ve discovered, and I’ll keep eating clean. I’m pretty sure I won’t eat KFC again. Clearly, this momma can skip a meal if need be.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: I’m Not Calling You a Liar by Florence and the Machine