“Enough with the food pictures all the time! We want to see cute puppy pictures!” This is Maybee on our hot date night.
This weekend, we dropped off Lucy at a sleep over birthday party. Then we went to pick Max up from a friend’s house. But friend’s mom said it would be okay if he could spend the night. Max said all in one word: Could we please pick up some jammies, church clothes for the morning, his toothbrush, his ds, and his ipod please. Well, sure kid, if only for the necessities.
So, if you’re doing the math, we are 12_hour empty_nesters. Hell yes. Let’s party balls! We pretty much don’t go out just the two of us. I don’t know. I suppose we should on occasion but we both work at home. We pretty much reconnect every day at lunch anyway.
“What do you wanna do?”
“I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”
“Don’t know. What do you wanna do?”
So, we opted to do what every smokin hot couple like us would do _ we went to the sports store to find me some new biking shorts. They didn’t have anything I liked or wanted to pay for. I mean for THAT much money, the padding in those pants should offer more than just padding if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink. We kept the hot date hot by me not trying on the bike shorts.
After our failed attempt at bike short purchasing, we swung by the movie theater to see what was playing. But the Hunger Games crazy hasn’t subsided enough for me to want to bear that crowd. And the only other movie we were interested in I’d rather wait and rent. This clean eating deal puts a lot in perspective when you’re not getting a diet coke and popcorn at the theaters. Suddenly, chomping an apple for $20 to watch a movie and you can’t even pause the movie to go pee. Well, it’s not so fun anymore. The cost of going to the movies exponentially peeves me. We left.
Anyways, on our walk back to the car we held hands. I know. Pretty cute, right? Then Ricardo remembered we needed something at the home improvement store. And enter the next level of hotness of this hot date. Y’all don’t be jealous. We ran into a sweet friend of mine, continued the hotness by chatty chatikins while Ricardo physically just stepped back and waited for it to stop. It’s always good to see that pal. We get our very important item, and we head home and resign to watch March Madness. Granted, we would do this if the kids were here. Last week, I think they were around. I don’t know though, because we watched THAT much basketball. The deal is, our kids don’t hinder our relationship. So, that they’re gone, well, anything we’d like to do, we can do with the kids around. Almost anything, but y’all know what I mean.
At halftime of the first game, I mention I want cake. It may have been more of a proclamation rather than a mention. But anyway. This would be the first gigantic falling off the Clean Eating wagon in almost 4 months. I wanted cake for dinner. Ricardo obliged and it was halftime, so we went to the store for cake. But I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So, we walked over to the health food section and my cheat was organic ginger snaps and organic ginger root beer. Granted, I had every intention of eating the entire box of ginger snaps, but still, it’s better than that cake. I dunked my organic ginger snaps into my organic vanilla flavored coconut milk while I sat next to my man and overdosed on March Madness instead of cake.
But for the record, we did do one thing that we’d never do with the kids around _ we had cookies for dinner.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the Day: Wanna be a Baller _ Lil Troy (I made Ricardo listen to this full blast on our hot date, too.)

On a rare occasion, I get a wild bug to experiment with the kids’ favorites and on a rarer occasion, it’s a big fail. These muffins were nasty. They were dry and not sweet. I let the kids use syrup on them, and they still rejected them. I’m working on it. Would love a good clean recipe for yummy tasting ones. Please, if you have a recipe for yummy muffins for kids, share it with me by email at m o m o n t h e r o c k s at m o m o n t h e r o c k s dot c o m. OR, you can share with everyone and post it as a comment.
Max and Lucy are mad at me. Again. They aren’t really mad, so much as they know I won’t relent on my clean eating practices. And I won’t. Still, they flash their pathetic sad faces over this issue on the same principle that I won’t relent. It’s so hard to exude stubbornness on a stubborn woman. Poor kids.
There’s a reading program at the kids school that they have to keep track of how much they read. If they turn in their reading sheet on time, they get a coupon to pizza hut for a kids pizza with their fake cheese, greasy pepperoni, not_whole wheat pizza crust, and a sweaty bitter kid who throws it all together. And they can only have that free no_nutritional value kids meal if I go in and BUY a meal myself. Which I won’t do, so there’s that.
Does anyone else find it ironic that my kids have more clarity and energy to do better school work due to their healthy eating habits and yet they are rewarded with a coupon for crap_food? The very school system that holds seminars on logic & consequences of parenting…what about the logic and consequences of rewarding behavior? A logical consequence of reward for a good reading sheet would be a book, y’all. Or a book mark. Or a pencil. Or a coupon to a book store or those all those book club magazines you keep sending home.
So, that’s what I did. I told the kids they could trade in their stupid unhealthy pizza hut _served up with a side of bad service and absolutely no nutritional value _coupon for a book. Any book they wanted. They could have it.
Funny thing, they don’t even like the pizza hut kids meal. They just like that they earned it. So, they agreed. I don’t know what was more reward for them. Because once we went to the book fair, they were quick to say, “Mom said I could have ANY BOOK I WANTED.” And then they waited for me to take it back, or put a stipulation on it. I did not. And then the craziest thing happened, they didn’t even take advantage of it. They picked a book out that they knew they’d read and probably enjoy. AMAZING.
I lead a book club for a few kids at the school. I still think I was asked to do it as penance, but whatevs. So, our first book club meeting after the first of the year, we had to reschedule to have the meeting earlier in the day than our regular last gig of the day. I seek approval, particularly from kids. And what’s the best way to get said approval? Bring treats.
But this time it was different. This time, I’m on this Clean Eating kick and I’ve made great efforts and within only weeks, discovered so many things I’m responsible for. So, am I leading by example if I bring the kids cupcakes or cookies or lollipops? Probably not. And this time, we’re meeting right before lunch.
I put it all on the line, stopped at the store and picked up a bag of Cuties. Moms of the world know what I’m talking about _ they are the easy_to_peel seedless tangerines. I was bracing myself to get mobbed and destroyed. Twelve 4th graders pushing me down and beating me on the justified grounds that I didn’t bring candy. But I was willing to take it for the sake of making a change in my life and so to, in theirs. That, and I’m pretty sure that I can take at least 8 of the 12 kids. I think I’m loud enough to call for help once they got me to the floor. I had a plan. I risked it all and took Cuties for treats.
Oh sure they’re messier, and one kid got the juice in the eye while peeling his Cutie. But they loved them. LOVED THEM. Apparently, they were bragging to the other kids about their special treat that Max and Lucy’s mom brought them. I know because Lucy’s Afterschool Report involved “Mom, they were BRRRRAGGING about it, and you’re not supposed to BRRRAG about it.” Then she slumped back in her seat in the car and crossed her arms to confirm her miftness of the injustice.
“Lucy, I saved you a cutie. Want it?”
“Yes!”
A few weeks later, I went back to do the next Book Club meeting, but the teacher had provided graham crackers so that I wouldn’t have to bring the treats. I walked in with graham crackers y’all. And you know what I heard, “Aw man, where’s the Cuties?” Yeah, that’s right, Clean Eating wins, 1_0.
Give your kid a piece of fruit today. And then hand her a book.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: Ya Gotta Have Pep by John Lithgow (fun kids song and it even has the word poop in it, so they love it)

How to get a kid (and a husband) to eat Brussel Sprouts. It was delicious.
Something has happened. I don’t know what it is. But it’s something. I anticipated more clarity when I went on this quest for Clean Eating. However, what has happened is, by immersing myself with the Clean Eats, I keep discovering new layers of nutrition and health. For example, I found this video. My mom shared this on her Facebook page. (Which is way better than the time she posted herself in a bikini. I mean, she’s hot and all, but she’s my MOTHER.) Anyways, so, I watched it _ (see Moms, I AM listening) and I’ve deduced, it’s time for Phase 2.3c15 of the Mom On The Rocks Clean Eating project.
We have been sensitive to make sure to not just force the kids to eat bizarre stuff. We don’t want them to end up like Todd Marinovich’s dad. Poor guy. Anyway, we want our kids to make healthy choices.
They are making pretty healthy choices. However, I think it’s time to ask MYSELF (and not the kids she asked in the video) the pressing question at the beginning of this video: “What did you put in her face!?” Click here to watch the video.
If the Mom on a Mission gig doesn’t move you to clean out your pantry, perhaps this kid will.
Looking forward to hearing your comments on this one.
That’s how I roll.
Song of the day: Shine by Joni Mitchell