August 2011 Archives

Yeah, that's right. An exclusive right here. This is where all the magic happened. And by most Mommy standards, I think you know what I mean by "magic": A full night's sleep.
"So, you needed this big mom vacation? Big woop. Did you even do it? I don't believe you."

"Uh yeah we did it! Hello, we're moms, it's what we do: we plan things and then we get things done. Doi."

We planned a stay at the Magnolia in downtown Big O. We picked the Magnolia because yes, they have happy hour in the bar for it's guests each night, but more importantly, they have bedtime cookies and milk from 8p - 10p. How cool is that? It is a magnificent historic hotel and I was feeling pretty posh as I rode up in my minivan to the valet parking. The hands-free sliding doors always offer comedic timing for the trash to roll out on delay right as the valet kid glances in horror and questionable doubt as to whether he needs to pick up the escaped sneaker and the Subway wrappers that just blew out or give this one to the new guy. He went for it, because if you just take the car away from us, we're pretty good for a tip. I threw him the keys and said "Hey, don't go joy riding in this beauty!"

Here's me at the happy hour. I'd picked up my own bottled water. The bartender kept asking if I needed anything. "Uh, I think I"m okay for now - but you better check back in a few minutes when the well is dry..." And then as he walked away I'd say, "MORE WINE FOR M'LADY!"

I earned this MommySafePlace trip in a 6 hour period - by taking Lucy to that concert first, then pushing her out of the car and heading to the hotel to meet JulzHOLLA! who had put on her first activity of the school year as PTO Queen President - and then hustled to Project RunMomaway. It's probably good to mention here that in our haste of picking out (or finding the only weekend either of us could do this in the next six months) it ended up to be just the next week. So when JulzHOLLA! went to make the reservation, well, all they had was a king bed room. We would have to share a bed. Both of us concurred that we could handle it. I mean heck, I was a college athlete and went to Lilith Fair. JulzHOLLA! might have something to worry about, but I'm totally okay with it.

We gabbed a bit and then went to sleep - no interruptions. Talking about our feelings and our day with no interruption - check. Only being responsible for self going to sleep and without even a scheduled bed time - check. Refuse to set alarm - check. I thought it would be funny to wake JulzHOLLA! up in the middle of the night asking her to "Rock-A-Me" Just like Maggie has been shout-singing 5 times a night. But I thought she might punch me in the face, so I chickened out and slept through the night instead.

The next morning we took our sweet ass time getting ready. Our first stop was the awesome breakfast. By awesome, I mean, we didn't have to prepare it and then set it in front of a kid only to have them offend us with their expression of disgust, nor did we have to do the dishes. The Magnolia serves what they call an American-Continental breakfast. We were curious what that was. Anyone know? Well the Continental part is where they have the sausage and eggs and cereals and bagels in a buffet setting. The American part is where they have an beautiful omelet making station, reel you in, and then charge you $5 extra for the omelet. THAT's American, baby! We're Continental kind of girls.

Next on our agenda was a leisure stroll by a coffee shop and then through Farmer's Market. We purchased absolutely no vegetables or fruit but we did inquire about free range local chickens. Then we bought jewelry and popcorn. Somewhere I ran into this lady and then chased her down to take this picture. JulzHOLLA! is a purple person. If you know a purple person you know what I mean. If you ARE a purple person, you stay busy loving purple and don't know exactly how non-purple people (i.e. most of the universe) think you really are crazy. I am constantly trying to prove my point - JulzHOLLA! is constantly refuting it - and then this gift of a t shirt walked by. Please note JulzHOLLA!'s wardrobe color.

After the leisure stroll, we decide to go shopping, which necessitated we needed our car from valet. At home, it's usually me moving the lawn grooming items and the recycling bins to get my car out. But today, today, we just make a call. We debate who's car is least gross and go with JulzHOLLA's. Here she is lounging in our bed and calling to get our car delivered to us. "Its the hot blue minivan y'all have probably been cruising around in."

For shopping fun, I decide for a complete makeup change at the Clinique counter. That's about as close to shopping as I get. JulzHOLLA! wants to shop...for clothes. Mostly, I just sit there and give her my opinion. We have very important and in-depth conversations about skirt length: "I think Stacy and Clinton agree" when referring to whether we should wear skirts that are past knee length. I have fat knees - I am certain that its my fat knees that is making my thighs and butt look big and not that half gallon of ice cream I threw back last night.

A sidenote - when trying on clothes - when you say "I look like something in the aquarium at the zoo" while shimmying through the dressing room - that's a definite NO item. Although, we do have a pretty awesome zoo and aquarium. I'm just sayin.

We return back to our weekend home. The Magnolia is a beautiful setting for weddings - several were on the calendar that weekend. We were considering crashing a wedding @ the hotel we're at. We got popcorn for it at farmers market and everything. But it turns out, that's rude, and not as easy as Vince Vaughan makes it look. So, we went to plan B - go to dinner and get JulzHOLLA's nose pierced. It turns out - JulzHOLLA! has been wanting her nose pierced for a very long time - like 20 years.

When we were getting facials at Urbane, they told us to go ask for Dave at Big Brain Tattoos. We decided to do the nose piercing first to assure no scaredy-cat backing out of it, but also, we get there early before all the drunk 20-year-olds get there for their late evening rendezvous with tattoos. Sure enough, we walk in and there's 4 other mom's in line for tats and piercings. Good times. Dave, as promised was sweet and gentle and funny. So, go see Dave. He was awesome.

Here he is wiping away a tear with a sterilized q-tip. He's that kinda guy. JulzHOLLA! tends to be a little emotional - which I love - and she'd wanted this nose ring for almost 20 years. I know because she told me and then she told Dave...over and over.

And yes, she went through with it, and it's beautiful! See it?

Fine, this is a picture of JulzHOLLA's righteousness. I call all "soda" coke. I think it's a southern thing. So, when I went to get my coke at the movie, well, the chick filled my cup with Coke. Which,is VERY different than coke. Anyways, I had to tell her to pour it out and give me Coke Zero. And that's when JulzHOLLA! got all, "See, I told you so!" And then she made me take this picture.

We finished off the weekend with catching a movie before heading back home to our families - well rested, revived, and ready to be good momma's. So, tell me, do you agree? Is it necessary or frivolous to take breaks from mommyhood?

That's how I roll.
Song of the day - More Than You Know - Eddie Vedder

I know this dog looks cute to you, but to me, it's simply a photo of my most recent workout. Her highness is addicted to crawling under our bed. We have to find her, lay on the floor, and reach as far as possible and then pull her out. Because apparently there's a size requirement shift for getting under the bed, and then getting back out We don't mention her "larger growing" size in front of her. We just enable her.

This summer was a bit rough. Lucy had her tonsils out and that was a large chunk of worry and bedside accommodating. But mostly, the kids opted against any camps or activities, citing "Mom, we just want to hang out with our friends." I thought on it, and the potential cushion of budget for summer activities - I could apply all that to so many things like feeding the hungry or new running shoes and triathlon accessories, whatever. And I agreed.

The Max and Lucy Experience are 8 years old now, so hanging out with their friends isn't such a bad idea yet. At current, their biggest and most adventurous task is collecting every pillow in the entire house for an obstacle course (think the softest hurdles you've ever seen, or a plush designer high jump pit). I'm all for it as long as they put every pillow back. And they don't. My point is, no one's playing with knives or breaking into the liquor cabinet quite yet. So, sure, go ahead and hang out with your friends now. Because when y'all are teens, I'm locking you in your rooms so as not to share your grandeur teen ideas of hanging out all summer.

All I'm saying is, on paper, the "stick around and hang out with friends" showed to be a pretty great idea. Once it played out, not so much. Ricardo works from home now, and Maybee has her own schedule of mostly destruction and terror. She's stopped herding and nipping, but is still jumping on new people. By new people, I mean anyone who is not here daily. I was not only working hard to train the dog, but to train my kids what to do, and then lo, train every other new piece of fresh meat (Maybee's words, not mine) with "Seriously Bobby - don't hit her. No, don't hold your hands over your head either, she thinks you've got a treat. Yeah, I see that she's taller than you when on her hind legs. Really, put your hands down and tell her no. You can't hit her. Stop that." I was doing all that, while trying to keep the kids' shrieking decibels down for Ricardo to work and making lunch and cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry. I'm pretty sure we have the most lived in house in all of America. I'm certain of it. The proof is in the pudding I just made for the kids. And the dishes. I'm running my dishwasher 2-3 times a day. Seriously.

By the end of the summer, I declared Mommy Camp. And I kept them busy and out of the house for the entire week before school started. I kind of wished I'd done it sooner. It was just fun to have the kids all to myself. I struggle with being a control freak and letting them have some freedom to make decisions for themselves. But then again, I think control freak is in the official job title of Momness. It's not control freak if my way is best, right? So, in keeping them out of the house, I wore them out...and me, too.

Meanwhile - at the JulzHOLLA! ranch - she was keeping her kids busy all summer long. But she had an even better case of the "mama needs a vacation". You know how when you go on vacation, and you let the youngest kid sleep on a cot in your room? Well, that's what happened, except Maggie liked those accommodations just a little too much. When they returned home from their vacation, Maggie still wanted to sleep in JulzHOLLA! and Sven's room - waking up and yelling her arrival and attempting to crawl into their bed anywhere from 3-7 times a night. JulzHOLLA! equated it to having a newborn again. And thus, she needed - was begging for - a full night's sleep.

And so, we crafted one of our fabulous girls trips. But this time, we stayed in Omaha - we just didn't tell the kids. As far as they were concerned, we were going far far away.

That's how I roll.
Song of the day: Hey Mama by Matt Kearney

Her first look at a concert. Pretty fun.

This weekend I took Lucy to her first concert. I bought Selena Gomez tickets as soon as they came out. Don't go judging me, y'all - I was impressed with the price and all tickets were general admission. She also happens to be Lucy's favorite right now. And really, you gotta start the kids low on the concert totem pole and work up. I've been a big fan of Selena Gomez since Barney. What, y'all didn't know she was on Barney?

I opted not to even tell Lucy about the tickets until a few weeks before the concert. Once I told her, and it really sunk in - her glee was all I needed. She just wanted to see Selena Gomez in person. I wanted her to see her first concert and what it was like to see live music. And yes, I'm using the reference to Selena Gomez and "live" music liberally. Still, as the concert date neared, it got me thinking about my first concert.

I was in junior high and my pal, Mel- her mom had scored some tickets to some band in some obscure arena in Houston we'd never heard of, probably because we were 12 years old, and suburbanites. I had no expectations because Mel's mom was well- very prim by my own family reference. I didn't care because I always had fun with Mel's family no matter what. So we went. Some new band. A boy band? What's that? I don't know - guess its a bunch of guys. And that's when the lights went down music came on and five cute boys just slightly older (but totally shorter) ran right down the aisles right by us and sang some catchy tune: "The Right Stuff". New Kids On The Block, bitches! We were so cool and ahead of the game - no one had heard of them before - but we knew we'd just seen something special. And we were both shocked her mom had taken us to see five boys. Very cute boys. They were the opening act for Tiffany that night. But after we saw NKOTB, and Joey singing directly to me, I'm certain of it: "Please don't go girrrrrrrllllllll!" Well, Tiffany was the after dinner mint. A few years later I would go to a much bigger NKOTB concert. Tiffany opened for them.

So, tonight I'm taking Lucy and her pal to Selena Gomez. I'm excited for her that she should at least be able to see over the rest of the screaming girls. It'll be her first lesson in height advantage. As far as Lucy is concerned, Selena Gomez is doing this concert just for Lucy and she'll get to meet her and get an autograph. I feel a sudden need to explain on the way about how its not how close you get to her - but just seeing someone live and live music. It worked.

I don't like crowds or shrieking girls. The last concert I went to was Adele - itunes festival. I watched it from my bathtub. Best seat in the house. So that I'm at this tween concert is a testament to my motherhoodness and my love for my daughter. Most of the mothers are pushing me while screaming at their way too young to be at a concert kids. Some cut in the general admission line, teach them how to be an a-hole young. Good job. Some made it a point to announce in the line that they had some fancy hoop de doo tickets and get to go backstage, and get a pizza dinner - ruining my moment of glory for just taking her to the concert at all.

But Lucy doesn't care. She's just glad to be here. We get in the park, and the concert starts, and the look on her face - the awe of being only 50 yards from Selena Gomez - her jaw drops and her eyes widen. I'll take the crowd and the heat and the stupid pushy moms just to see her face in that moment. I watch from a distance. So far - I've counted 15 OMGs among her and her friends. Not the eye rolling OMG, but the eye popping can you effn believe this, this is so cool, I am so freaking out right now, that kind of OMG.

I step back and let Lucy soak it all in as she watches Selena and her wardrobe changes and the dancers and the microphone held strategically at all times so that you can't tell if she's lip syncing, and the stage and the lights. Lucy watches her first concert intently. I drown out the music, and can see nothing but Lucy. I watch her in awe. Best first concert ever.

What was your first concert?

That's how I roll.
Song of the Day: Who Says - Selena Gomez & The Scene

Just wanted to put this out there. If you're in the Omaha area - and you're sick of me talking about triathlons, this post for you.

I want you to try a triathlon! YAY!

This is a great fundraiser for the UNO Women's Swim & Dive team. This triathlon is for women only. Men are encouraged to cheer their ladies on. Or better yet - they can volunteer. So, go here. And click on the triathlon information packet and get registered. Bring your daughters.

This is where JulzHOLLA! and I started. And it's where we go back each year. It is so wonderful to be a part of everyone petrified before we start, and then proud when they finish. The bagels and the tshirt are bonus too! This is also one of our favorite triathlon events because we get to share the experience with our daughters. We hope to see you there on August 27th! Tell them momontherocks sent ya.

That's how I roll.
Song of the day: Dynamite by Taio Cruz

This dog is what saved me from the dangers of surveys.

I was walking Maybee (aka - that damned dog) this morning about 7 a.m. Maybee - it has been explained to us by local dog whisperers - is in the midst of what they call the "teenage years". Funny since she's only 6 months old, but it turns out, that's an accurate description. When not pleased she looks at me and pees, and she is annoyed when no one will play with her...all day. If only I could get her to stay up late and sleep in, we'd have our first teenager in the house. Still, I see what they are talking about. So, we I have decided to wake up and walk her and wear her butt out. It's not working. And I do it anyway.

So, we're on our walk, and on our way back, a police cruiser turns down the street I'm going down, turns around in a driveway ahead of me, pulls up to me and rolls down his window and says, "Hey, you might be my first victim today!" I swear on it, that's what he said. I go along with it because I have the most annoying dog in the world, anything shady, and if she doesn't protect me, she'll annoy the guy until he runs. He was in uniform and all that, and he said he wanted me to fill out a survey. I think this is all a little weird, but I'm trying to be a nicer me, and if that means accommodating a serial killer posing in a police uniform and cruiser, well shit, I guess so be it.

I think, "But where would he get a cruiser?" He must be the real deal. And then I remember Hangover.

That's when he gets out of the car. I didn't like that. When he gets out of the car, I note he resembles someone. I can't quite figure it out. And I'm also busy assessing that I"m bigger than him, and aside from his night stick, his tazer, and a few guns, I could probably take him. Oh, I see it now. You know that movie Terminator? He looks like the bad guy who posed as....wait for it....wait for it....A COP! Shit. The bad guy in the Terminator. Great. The good guy in the Terminator isn't doing well, and I've got the bad guy. Grrreat.

He gets out of the car, and stands there and plays with my dog, who is on a halter leash and clearly is in intense training (sort of) to be an obedient walker, but the guy is getting Maybee all riled up. It's all his fault my dog is regressing on her potty training now. I step on her leash, to keep her from jumping up and the guy goes, "I'll hold the dog for you" and reaches for her leash. I say no. He says it twice more, I say no twice more. Then he tries to hold my coffee for me. NO ONE TOUCHES MY COFFEE. EVER. I say that with just my eyes. He steps back and then proceeds to just stand there. Finally I said, "Just read me the questions, I know the Likert scale, I'll answer." He reads off 5 of the lamest survey questions ever known to Mister Likert. "Rate your Omaha Police Department" Really? At this point I want to rate it a big fat, "give me my damned tax dollars back" but I also want to just get out of this situation. I mean really, I live in one of the highest taxed cities in the country. Our yearly vehicle licensing is a house payment, y'all. And this is what I get?

I found the last question, given the experience I was in, "Do you feel safe in your community?" very ironic in this moment. But kept going. I know that maybe I should check out the car number, or this guy's name and badge number. But I just feel like I should get out of the situation by this point.

The last question was for comments. I say, "Yeah, I'd like the FOP to stop calling me." Hahahaha. I'm so funny in adversity. He says they aren't even part of the police department, but that he'll write it down anyways. I note that's a good sign. A poser wouldn't know to say FOP isn't tied to the Police Department. So, that's good, maybe this guy is a cop. Then he took about 3 minutes to write it down. It was weird. Eventually, he started to say something else, and I just said, "You know what, I need to leave right now." And I left. With my dog, my coffee, and so far my life still in tact. Just keep walking. Keep on walking.

I get home, and say to Ricardo, "I just had the most bizarre experience." He looks at me, makes this face like he's holding his breath to make sure he doesn't roll his eyes, or worse laugh at me. But he can't and with a coy chuckle he says, "Again?" I trump his doubt and explain.This time, he agrees it's bizarre, more bizarre than all the other instances (like every blog entry and the sole purpose of this blog - weird stuff happens to me, y'all), but he's bothered too. So, he takes his coffee up to his office and goes to work.

Later, I think to call OPD and ask about it. I mean, we teach our kids, don't approach a car. Stranger Danger even tells us to teach our kids, "No police officer or adult should ever ask you to approach his car. Because it's not safe." Did the Millard branch miss that episode that John Walsh produced? So, why would this police officer suggest I approach his car. Does he need me to solve a crime? No, but to fill out a survey. A really lame, completely incompetent survey. I'm fairly certain it was on the up and up, but a little creeped out that it was a hoax and I might have just escaped kidnapping and murder.

That, or I'm creeped out at the fact that this guy was sent out today to protect the community and meet some kind of quota of surveys by "reaching out to the public." I mean really, what kind of POLICE DEPARTMENT would have officers pulling up to fairly foxxy (I'm pretty hot in a muffin top kind of way) middle aged women to do "random" surveys? It just didn't make sense to me. So I call the Omaha Police Department, and they are a little concerned, I mention the guy had an earring in his left ear. They confirm while on duty that's not allowed. And then the guy - who by the way - I was probably the funnest call he's had all day - he sounded like he was planning on ending his life tomorrow but also a little drunk. Anyhoo, he ends up figuring out with some other officer that SW Omaha Police Department is probably doing a survey, that they might have heard about that or something. Way to go Sherlock with your team work and effective communication.

I explain that I've designed surveys for years, and that it's not a random survey if you feel you HAVE to stop because it's a police officer. And that it's just not safe, which is ironic. I question with the guy the irony and safety issue of it all. And he says, he sees no problem with it. I say, "Are you married?" Then I was going to hit him with "Would you be okay if your wife was approached like that?" But ofcourse the guy is not married. Wife probably just left him which would explain the uninterested slurred speech. So I say, "well, what if your mom, or daughter or niece or sister told you this story I just told you? You wouldn't be concerned for their safety?" He says, "If it was at midnight, yeah, that's not safe, but I don't see any problem with it. He was just reaching out to the public. We try to do that. And it's a random sample. " Really? Random? Do you pull pedestrians over on Saddlecreek and 30th, or downtown? Or in south O for this survey? I think not. But I was so fed up, all the voices in my head were screaming at the guy. I figured it'd be a good idea not to have my call flagged, and I hung up.

That's how I roll.

Song of the day: Strange Fruit - Billy Holiday