Price Check

If only grocery shopping were this easy.

Now that the kids are in school, I have the distinct pleasure of grocery shopping all. by. myself. It is a luxury I do not take for granted. I kiss Ricardo goodbye and explain that I'm going to take my time and if he doesn't hear from me in 3 hours, check the credit card charges online and then make a decision on which authorities should be called.

"3 hours?!" He says.

And then I go into my speil about all the preparation I've done and all the heavy lifting at the bulk warehouse I'm about to do: loading into the cart, pushing cart to car, loading into car, and then unloading when I get home. He stops me before I waste another breath, wishes me well and kisses me on the cheek. Then he smacks my butt and says something like, "Go get 'em girl." I should probably be offended, but he's finally recognizing my mad grocery shopping skillz for what they are: a competitive sport.

Sometimes at bulk warehouses, you find a pretty cool deal. Like, a case of green beans manager's special. Or one time a guy ordered 1,000 dozen roses to propose to his girlfriend, but somewhere between the order and the proposal, she dumped him. Poor guy. I bet the girl found out he bought her roses at Sam's club. Hey lady, it's not HIS fault that's the longest lasting roses. My gain, they sold his roses 2 dozen at a time for $7 y'all. I had a beautiful rose smelling house for weeks.

So, I'm perusing all the deals. And some how I stumble on sports bras. Now before you get all high and mighty on me, let me remind you that uh, well, I don't need a whole lot of support or complexity when it comes to sports bras. Basically all I need is any tank looking disguise so that I'm not running at the gym and people see something's not quite right: my saggy A's are jiggling only slightly more than my badonka donk. The last time I bought sports bras was a 3 pack at Walmart. So, right now, in this very moment, I'm one step up as sports bra fashion goes. These sports bras are like the shelf bras in your tank tops - they have the adjustable straps. And they are $6.81 for three! WHAT!? That's almost too good to be true. So I run through all of the pros and cons and what could go wrong with this purchase. For $6 I could be getting some bunk. But then, I am the perfect shape to make this purchase. I select my size, sifting through XLs and Larges which, really, should never wear these type bras. You busty people should pay extra for good support. Us pear shaped victims can get away with this. I take note that there's very few Smalls - someone else brilliantly like me has passed by here. Leaving the XLs and Larges to roll their eyes in rejection of said cute bras in bulk. Three bras - for $6. Even Ricardo will appreciate this one.

I roll into the check out line with my fruit, cheese and bras in bulk all nesting in my cart under the still good buy of roses. It's a great day. I've selected a female checker since I have the bras. I try to spare the men from girl purchases. But now I'm just down to purchasing bras, none of that other girl stuff. You're welcome man-checkers. Once the line moves to me, I hand her my card, she asks if I found everything okay, I reply with my ever-witty remark that perhaps I found things too easily, chuckle, chuckle, and then the bras won't scan. I make my other witty remark, "I guess it must be free today!" I chuckle because I'm spot on with my grocery shopping comedy today, she picks up a walkie talkie and asks for a price check. Suddenly a young guy comes over and grabs my bras. Ew. They need to do a price check. He takes off with my bras.

I'm concerned he's going to come back with the wrong size or a different pack - there was another that was $20. But he doesn't come back. The check out lady gets on her walkie talkie to confirm that someone is doing a price check on the sports bras. ANOTHER man comes back on the line with a scanner number and "THAT'S SMALL BALLY'S SPORTS BRAS - A PACK OF THREE FOR SIX DOLLARS EIGHTY ONE CENTS."

And that's when I realize this has been one price check below the overhead speaker - the walkie talkies are all on loud volume, at every register. Every person checking out and every worker with a walkie talkie at Sam's Club knows that that wide-hipped lady over there needs size small sports bras. And that I buy my sports bras (I buy my workout pants there too. Hey they're yoga pants, and they're great) at Sam's Club. I'm only slightly humiliated until she rings them up and indeed, they ARE $6.81. Then some other cute guy walks my sports bras back to me and places them in my cart, making sure to make no eye contact with me. After all, he's just literally man-handled my bras. I'm redeemed. And I check out and go.

It turns out, they are delightful sports bras - effectively supporting my saggy A's. A good bra to me, has little to do with support, and a lot to do with not knowing it's there on your body, creasing into your ribs, or your shoulders.

Yeah, that's right - I just bought my sports bras at Sam's Club. $6.81. If I'd had any pride, I suppose I'd have been humiliated. But I don't, so I blogged about it.

That's how I roll.
Song of the day: Illusions of Bliss by Sarah McLachlan