It's been so long since I've been to the gym...HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?!

Is it bad that I'm considering wearing my wetsuit as a full body girdle?

It's been so long since I've been to the gym that JulzHOLLA! went to the gym the other day and someone approached her and asked if I'd MOVED AWAY. I figure that's probably a good indication maybe I should try to get workouts back on my schedule. Also a good sign is my ever growing thunder thighs. But whatever.

And what better way to start back at the gym than to sign up for their indoor mini-triathlon? Granted, instead of actually going to the gym to sign up, I called because I just couldn't get my sagging ass up there to even just sign up. Nice.

So, I'm getting excited about the triathlon, and I pack all my very cool triathlon stuff that hasn't been worn, since AUGUST. JulzHOLLA and I are in the locker room getting ready and I'm trying to get my tri pants on - think girdle like pantyhose- and I'm jumping up and down for function's sake, but also to cope and make light of what is now becoming a very drastic situation. When some lady dodges one of my airbound love handles and then gives me an appalled look. Then I catch my stretchmarks dancing and bouncing about in the mirror. I'm appalled too lady. Sorry. How does this hi-tech spandex look like a cinged belt? That's new. What has happened?

JulzHOLLA!, Ricardo and I made it through the triathlon just to cheer on Lucy and Olivia, who did the kid's triathlon. It was perfect and adorable. I am so proud of them.

So, the triathlon was humbling. But motivating and reminded me how much I love the ol swim-bike-run gig. And soon, I'd downloaded a workout schedule to get me back on the mediocre triathlete mamma wagon again. Whoa - what the heck? You want me to swim AND bike in one workout? Fine.

It is safe to say that the problem with bike training in the Arctic Tundra is you gotta do it indoors. You have to do a spin class. I have a few preferred spin classes that I can't attend, but found one that I'm okay with. Because there's a couple that I am not okay with. This one plays, uh, not my favorite music, but it's a good workout. I can deal with it.

But apparently, I cannot deal. You know, I'm good with the oldies and all. But 70's love songs + spinning + my lard butt in padded lycra = impossible equation with no solution. And maybe you think I'm being too harsh and closed minded. But as you review these very songs that played, I challenged you to sing them outloud, envision my butt squeezed into spinning pants and I dare you not to gag:
Everything I Own by Bread
The Air that I Breathe by The Hollies
and then....when I thought it couldn't get any worse....
It's the Right Time of The Night For Making Love by Linda Ronstadt

I'm sucking air, sweaty, wearing bike pants, some fairly attractive, yet much smaller man is on a bike next to me and it's Linda Ronstadt, the 70's, and she's wailing about making love. Gross. Where's Tupac and 50 Cent when you need them the most?

Oh look at the time, didn't that schedule say I needed to bike AND swim? I gotta go swim. And I hopped off the bike to swim. I feel bad that I left. But I redeem myself with a great swim workout.

The next day, I go to run - and my hair is a mess. I think I've documented before that my wardrobe, hair and music must be JUST. SO. for a good run. Well, for a run. heh heh. Since growing my hair out, I've graduated from wearing pig tail horns on top of my head last year, to now just sporting a ponytail and a head band. And recently (last month) I was able to even pull that last wrap around with the elastic band, halfway through, making that messy bubbled and doubled-up bunnish looking number. So, I did that. And today, the bunnish gig bounced too much. Because its THAT much longer since the last time I ran! Seriously? Now, I'm sure most of y'all are like, "Dude, just deal with it and keep running". But if I wanted some tempo-ed tapping on the back of my neck, I'd just hang out with my kids: "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." You get me? I have this 30-minute window of opportunity, hope, and escape into the world of mommy angst rap. Is that so wrong? So, I stopped and re-situated my hair for the time being and finished my run.

Even better was I have some great pals at the gym. All of them happy to see me, as I am for them. But I found myself patting my butt and saying, "I'd love to talk, but I LITERALLY gotta run!"

It's good to be back.

That's how I roll.
Song of the day: Work It by Missy Elliott