If you thought the diet was rough...welcome back to workouts.

In my new valiant and somewhat sub-par effort for weight loss, I opted for a group fitness class a few days ago. As mentioned before, it's a delicate selection of which class I go to. I have to plan the perfect one that requires absolutely no coordination, quick movement, nor literal thinking on my toes. And absolutely NO stepping of any kind, no whirlybirds or grapevines. I think I've mentioned this here, here and here. It's a long fall from up here.

Yoga is cutting it close, but slow enough for my mind to catch up with my body. But that whole breathing and relaxing stuff, well, I'm secretly not doing those frivolous things. I do my research and pick Pump and Cut on Saturday morning. It's basically choreographed group weightlifting - lots of reps - I can do that.

And then I realize, nothing says to me "you're a fat ass" or "You're way out of shape" like going to a group class. Sure I can run three miles, and I do all that triathlon stuff, but that is swimming, biking, and running in a straight line, for the most part. And here I am doing front, lateral, and back lunges -in a sequence. No matter how many reps we do, I can't pick up on it. And then she keeps up with these "add-ons". I'm supposed to take a weight and thread it between my legs while changing lunging legs. Clearly the instructor has more room and less thigh to accommodate ridiculous things like weight threading. I can't hang. I decide to go against my better judgment and glance at the clock to see how much more time is left in the class. I'm guessing (hoping. praying.) mid-glance that we are halfway through. Much to my devastation, we've just finished "warming up" with squats and lunges and threading. It's been 7 minutes. SEVEN MINUTES. 53 more to go. This is going to be a long journey back to fit. I bear down recommitting myself to it all and remind myself to get more ibuprofen in bulk at Sam's Club. Because I'm going to be hurting in the morning, and then a few days after that.

I keep on my journey to a lesser me. Do planks hurt anyone else's toes? Or maybe it hurts my back more. Planks make me feel like I'm going to break in half. Perhaps I'm doing them wrong. Or is it my large linear equation of a body that's THAT different from everyone? Because no one else seems to have plank problems. I know because I've ended my plank process and I'm assessing everyone else's. I fake a need for water and head back to the plank when she then says, "Stay in plank and go one handed and rotate your body, your hand under and through." Uh, WHAT? Shit. I finished. Where's my medal?

Two days later, I would do a happy dance because I can walk without a cane or wheel chair, but it would hurt too bad. I'm sore. I drag myself to the gym, concerned that my reflexes for driving might give me butt cramp. It's that bad. Today, I'm self-medicating my body with my own regimen: steam room, swim, steam room, yoga, steam room.

Before yoga - I specifically prepared in case the pool wasn't open to be prepared to run. That's how super committed I am to working out. Aren't you impressed? I wore my favorite new running shirt. I got it as swag at a triathlon. The problem is, it's a running shirt, it's not really expecting a lot of movement and reaching. It's short. So in yoga, that's a problem. And it really shouldn't be THAT big of a deal - but instead of Sun Salutations, I'm greeting my blubbery stretchmarks. I'm in yoga today because I'm trying to change that view, and now I'm sharing this view of horror in pasty white stretchmarks with the world, or with 15 other people, whatever. It's not good for my zen. Or theirs.

At some point, it's going to get better right?

Today I have the wrong ponytail holder. While my butt was growing, my hair was getting longer too. So, my hair regimen has changed. I'm learning this while my ponytail is whacking me while I run jog 2 miles. My hair bouncing and whacking me.I try to enjoy the fact that my hair is that long now. But that only lasts about 30 seconds on the 20 minute run. Fine, it was 25. Whatever.

It's a slow process. Learning to make my body do these things...again. It's a vicious cycle. One day I'll figure it all out that I should just keep doing it. But for now, workout ensembles, hair accessories, and coordination are all I can focus on for now.

The big key to a successful workout is not the workout itself, but the preparation for it. Wardrobe is 90% of the workout success rate.

That's how I roll.

Song of the Day: Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen