Kids, its time to stop staring at the tv and start enjoying the view outside. That there is what we call nature...
We got rid of cable again. The last time we did it, the kids were oblivious. And I really had to fight for my cable to be turned off. And then we remodeled the tv room, and lo, a nice flatscreen tv mounted its way to our home. So, it only seemed fair to get cable to honor the prized possession. We got cable, cable boxes, the whole nine-yards. Somewhere in there, while not having cable, I think I decided to do comedy. And through that, I met my pal, uh, lets call her Hazel. She's a brilliant comedianne and also works at Cox Cable.
But this time we accidentally tipped the kids off before we did it. "But mom whyyyyyy?!" In their best Nancy Kerrigan rendition.
"Uh - because I'm paying $$ for you to ignore me. And that's not really working out for me." But they didn't hear me because the commercials had ended and their show was back on.
That and I really hate the shows they've matured to. Gone are the days of iCarly and Hannah Montana. As far as they are concerned Disney can suck it and Nickelodeon is almost there too. They've upgraded to Cartoon Network. And their favorite show on that channel, and mind you, the most appropriate, but not really all that appropriate anyways, but the most appropriate show is Adventure Time. Adventure Time is drawn by some really lazy punks. The animation is lame and bizarre. And the storylines are apparently written during mandatory smoke outs. If you know what I mean. I am always confused and perplexed, I assume because I am sober. But there's usually one line in there that makes me laugh out loud. And then the kids look at me and ask, "Why are you laughing? That wasn't the funny part, Mom." Ricardo and I have won that battle though. We mention one or two lines from that show so much, that us thinking its funny is enough to not care about it anymore.
The rest of Cartoon Network is full of annoying cartoons. I realize Disney and Nickelodeon are tough for some to stomach. I understand. I had my fair share of repulsion with Barney, Caillou and the Teletubbies. And that was all public television. But you've got to admit that iCarly and True Jackson, VP are fun and creative and give kids hope and dreams that they can do anything. Even Phinneas and Ferb has kids that invent anything, but it's always for good, and that story line is so layered and brilliant, I make the kids watch it with me. Cartoon Network gives really crappy ideas on how to start fires or talk shit to their parents.
Ofcourse our biggest problem with the tv is ignoring us while it's on. It's like they are paralyzed when the tv is on. We can't even let them have fun Friday dinner and a show on because they can't seem to watch tv and get food in their mouths. It's physically impossible. We are literally paying for the kids to ignore us.
One day, while opening up the cable bill, Lucy was watching an episode of iCarly on the computer. I thought, "Interesting, that's free, and cable is not." The kids have the computer, and a ps3, plus, each now has tvs in their rooms they can play the ps3 or dvds. They each have DS games as well. All that and they also have bikes, skateboards, rollerblades, and a playroom they never use.
They also both love to read. However, they do not love to turn off the tv to read. The transition is virtually impossible. It starts when they ignore my requests to turn off the tv, and then when they are paralyzed and simply can't find the remote, I have to find it and turn it off, because they can't hear me telling them, "The remote is right there, right there, right there!"
If y'all remember last time, we downgraded to rabbit ears for tv use. We almost did that, but then I remembered that Conan O'Brien was coming on TBS this fall. I've been protesting NBC completely during late night shows, even though I'm not Nielsen Ratings Family - I'm hopefully making my own point. And I've been waiting for my Coco to return. So, I relented on the antennae and got basic cable for Conan O'Brien.
So, I called up my pal, Hazel at Cox Cable. This conversation was much more fun, even though Hazel explained that the entire call was being recorded and monitored. Still, there's just way too much with Cox Cable and getting rid of my cable BOXES from COX and I'm talking to a fellow comedianne. So, I had a hey day with it. Hazel could laugh but that was it. It might have been the best comedy set I've ever done. Hazel is compensated for upgrading customers. I don't know what happens to her when customers downgrade and use up an hour of her time on their comedy bits. But she was more worried about the kids devastating lives when the cable goes away.
"Oh Hazel, the next time they see you, I'm going to tell them 'Hey kids! This is the lady who turned off your cable!'"
Hazel was more worried about the kids hating her than anything. So, she turned off our digital boxes. That's cool that she has that power. But our regular cable was still on, just no DVR or high-def stuff. She had to put in a service order to have the cable turned off. And just like that last lady, except different, she says, "Okay, you won't be charged for it, but the cable guy will be out in two weeks." She's letting the kids have as much cable as she can.
And with that, we packed up our boxes and remotes and the kids, and made them go with us to turn in them in. (The cable boxes, not the kids.) You would have thought we were driving to a funeral. They were so quiet and solemn. We explained that getting rid of cable was saving us $75 a month. And that it was for our good as much as theirs. They seemed to be good with that.
When we told them about the cable we promised they could watch Saturday morning cartoons and then we told them that's when we used to watch cartoons early in the morning because that's the only time we could have our shot at what we wanted to watch. So this week I woke up early to work. Lucy apparently gave me some serious paybacks. She woke up at 6:30 citing it was time to watch Saturday cartoons. I suppose now is a good time to mention Saturday cartoons don't start til 9...
That's how I roll.
Song of the Day: Backyard Beach - Phineas and Ferb Soundtrack
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