Sometimes me and my online girlfriend like to dress up and role play on our dates. Is that weird? JulzHOLLA! is really mad at me. And it's all reading's fault. Not mine.
Yesterday, I told JulzHOLLA! I'd help her put up our co-owned bouncy house. And then I forgot. So, today, she Instant Messaged me, "I can't get the darn thing in it's giant bag. Can you come help me?" Well, I'm an ass. I'd forgotten I would help her do that, conveniently. And she had dried the entire thing, folded it up and was trying to zip it up into it's giant bag home. So I Instant Messaged her back, "Oh! I'll be right there." And then I drove over to her house.
On the way, I remembered that her sweet baby girl would be napping, and I shouldn't knock, because then the dogs would go all yappy and wake baby. Then I figured that she was probably in the back trying to contort the bouncy into the bag. So, I walked into her backyard but she wasn't there.
So, I headed to her sliding glass door off the patio. But I didn't want to knock, again, so as not to wake up the baby with the yappy dogs. So I just opened the door and came on in. And that's when I saw JulzHOLLA! horrified thinking I was an intruder. She took in three quick scaredy cat breaths and then the nicest person I've ever met in my life yells at me, "Jesus Christ! Don't you EVER do that to me again!" She was really mad. I mean, I've never seen her mad. She was mad. And shocked. And I think she might have peed herself a little bit.
I apologized through my laughing hysterically for not coming over sooner to help her with the bouncy. But I'd really planned out making sure to not wake up her baby and maybe she should give me some props for that. But no. She didn't think that was really the point. I was still laughing. She still didn't think it was funny.
And then she pointed to one of her vampire books. She got me to read the Twilight series. And that was fine and all. But really, she's read every vampire book and/or series out there now. And there's a lo. I would like to go on record here and mention that you can find all of these vampire books in the TEEN SECTION of the book store. I'm just sayin. It turns out, she'd just gotten through a part in the book where the victim was standing in her kitchen when dracula or a flying werewolf or something walked in. Then I walked in her back door. Woopsie.
And when I left she said, "Thanks for helping me out with the bouncy. And making me use the Lord's name in vain in front of my kid."
The thing is, she doesn't ever exclaim that. I think maybe it was to scare off the vampires.
That's how I roll. Still laughing at her. She's still mad at me.
Song of the Day: Supermassive Black Hole by Muse - from aw yeah, I went there: the Twilight Soundtrack
still mad, locking all doors at all times...