Adventure - it's overrated

I've been talked into some really bizarre things. On the top of the list would be swimming with sharks. But Ricardo promised he'd take care of me, I believed him, and he did. He also served me a vat of rum punch.

I think I've mentioned that my idea of adventure is vacuuming every third day instead of every other day. And trust me, I've been extremely adventurous by that very definition lately.

I just think there's a limit to all the grandeur things you can challenge yourself to do. And at some point, you really have to know yourself to say, "Nope, I would not benefit from coming out of my comfort zone for that one." One of those little challenges is anything that involves coordination. That's right folks. I can run and bike and swim, because it involves minimal coordination. I'm tall. I'm not the greatest athlete. In college, volleyball footwork took me a while (3 years) to pick up on. I mean, sure I'm tall enough to block over the net, but you gotta get over to the ball to block it. Not my strong suit.

So, we have this competition every year at my gym called March Madness. I thought it was a great idea to sign up for a few years, only to get me and my team's butts whipped. So, this year, I was going to fly under the radar and not sign up. But do you know how hard it is to fly under anything when you're 6'2"? Pretty hard, folks. And lo, JulzHOLLA! and I got suckered invited to be on a team. The point of it is to get your team to try new classes and new exercise programs. It's also an effort to get you to the gym because you don't want to let your team down. And our team was Pittsburgh, so they're not earning any points on the bracket for us, we've got to earn our own now. Great. You get a four-point-shot for your team if you attend a Zumba class. I suggested I'd go to it, but I didn't think my team would actually hold me to it. They did. But I made them promise that if I went to this dance class, they'd have to play basketball or volleyball with me. A court activity is also a four-point-shot.

There's a reason I watch the dance shows. Because I appreciate it. I love music, and I'm a fantastic sitting-in-the-car dancer. But moving my legs AND arms all at once, not my forte. I don't go to any aerobics classes for fear of the step and the whirly-bird or the helicopter. My goal at the gym is to get a workout without the EMT being called. It's a good goal that has worked well for me.

The thing is, by the time I've figured the move out, with just my feet, I've abandoned all arm movement, by the time I get it, they switch it up. It takes me approximately 20 reps to possibly pick up on something. My coach is laughing hysterically now and probably muttering, "A little bit more than 20 reps, Les, dontcha think?" Yes, I do. Fine.

My team captain thought it would be a good idea to go to this Zumba class. And then later we would do a court activity, thus earning a whopping 8 points easily. Fine. I'll take one for the team. Last week, we were supposed to go to Zumba, but then JulzHOLLA!'s baby girl was sick. So, I couldn't go. No, I didn't have to help with baby girl's sick, nor help with any other kids. But it just sounded like a great opportunity to bail, "Oh, I'm sorry she's sick, guess I can't go to Zumba now. Shucks!" Lo, turns out Zumba is every week, and I had no excuse the next week. So, I went with my team captain. It also turns out that team captain could probably teach the class if Zumba instructor couldn't make it. Nice. Zumba class is 60 minutes. That's about 47 minutes too long for me. I hung in there about 13 minutes before the voices in my head started suggesting, "Uh, you realize how long these brain waves have to go to get to your gigantic feet right?" And things like that. It was really bad. Really, y'all.

After class, I tell team captain, "I'm taking you down tomorrow. You pick: volleyball or basketball."

She replies with a sheepish grin, "Oh, did I not mention I'm going out of town?"

"Oh no you did not."

I must have taken a tone because she promised me I could school her like she did me in Zumba when she got back from her "trip". I'm still waiting. Meanwhile, I'm officially retiring from any dancing and adventure for a while. I'm off to vacuum.

That's how I roll.