Happy Birthday to Farley the Wonderdog. We're shocked you've made it this far. No, really, the kids have almost been dreading this day because they heard that the average life of a lab is 12 years old. And so, they took that to mean that he'll literally drop dead on this very day. Sorry, Nostradamus, this dog's still kicking. I tried to explain what average meant. And that Farley certainly is not average. And just in spite, he'll probably go a few more years. For the sake of cake and singing Happy Birthday to him, Max and Lucy have put away their concerns for his demise.
In the kids defense, he is aging quite a bit. The grey hair, we find is a handsome distinction. His hips are starting to go, though. It breaks my heart when he wakes up from his third morning nap on the foyer tile so that he can move to his afternoon nap in the living room. His hips lock and he can't catch any tread on the slippery tile. He kind of looks like that dog on that commercial who scoots his butt on the carpet. But then he just gives up and resolves to take his nap #4 on the tile again. He moos, gets settled down and starts sleeping and farting. The absolute quality of an old man life. Happy Birthday ol boy.
So, Farley the Wonderdog has this cyst on his side. It's no biggie, kind of like a wart with wings. And the vet, who, we've seen a lot lately, explained it was harmless. And then one night we were all three laying in bed - Farley between us - and Ricardo was petting him and that harmless cyst exploded. Ew.
The vet might have mentioned that we could have it removed for $50. Ricardo agreed to it right after he cleaned up the cyst incident. I scheduled Farley to have the cyst removed while he was at their kennel when we were at Disneyland and Ricardo in Ireland. Everyone was getting all kinds of high dollar treatments, so the dog should get in on it and get what we told him was a "spa" treatment. The kennel and minor surgery we led Farley to believe was like trying out a Hookah Bar. So, Farley, ofcourse, was all for it.
Imagine my surprise when I checked the voicemail from the vet while waiting in line at Space Mountain. He left me a message and I'm at the happiest frikkin place on earth - I'm just hoping the message wasn't, "Uh, yeah, it didn't work, he's a goner." I don't really remember the actual message, just the dollar sign cha-chinging over and over again as the vet explained that the cyst was 3 times bigger underneath the skin, and instead of that $50 local anesthetic, they actually had to put Farley under, and he's recovering well, but while he was under, he took a look at that whole eye thing I'd mentioned, and he had two eyelashes growing the wrong way INTO his eye, and that's what was scratching his eye, so he went ahead and removed those eyelashes, CHA-CHING, and now he's recovering fine, and has 26 staples, about a 6" scar, looks kinda like Frankenstein - CHA-CHING - and he's on pain meds CHA-CHING and antibiotics CHA-CHING. CHA-CHING! But he's doing well, and eating and everything is just great. Thank you doctor.
The $50 removal just went to $300 real fast. Still, the cyst was the size of a tennis ball under his skin. My favorite part about the bill was that due to his "ADVANCED AGE" he'll need to follow up and get the stitches out in 3 weeks instead of the usually 10 days.
In celebration of making it to 12, we picked out a KONG ball and snacks for him. We obliged the advanced age and have the senior formula of the human version of cheeze wiz in a squirting can, and then regular snacks. Last night he brought the KONG to us and suggested from his stare down that he was done playing games and could someone with opposable thumbs puhlease get the damn treats out for him.
Yes we can. We love you Farley! Happy Birthday to the best dog ever!
That's how I roll.
Song of the Day: Man Of The Hour by Norah Jones
When you say $300..... do you really mean $367? because that's what it actually was.
Oh Well, he's worth it. He's a good old boy!
First, LMAO @Ricardo. Such a husband thing to say.
Second, Happy birthday, Farley!