I volunteer at the kids' school. I realize that the word volunteer suggests that I would do whatever they need me to do. However, I figured out quickly that I could help out the teachers without really having contact with all those kids. Kids scare me. I stuff Thursday Folders. I'm going on year three of this time honored volunteer tradition. At the beginning of the year, when I go in to meet the new teacher, I simply announce, "I'm Lucy and Max's Mom. I stuff folders." The teachers seem to be fairly impressed with my eagerness to do such a lowly task. I do not read to the kids. I don't do crafts. Or art. I stuff the folders.
So today, Lucy's teacher had a substitute. You could tell she was a sub (other from the fact that she was a different person) by the maintenance of indoor recess. The kids like indoor recess and they know exactly where Mrs. Normalteach keeps all the games. So, a bunch of the kids headed there, and Mrs. Sub stopped them and suggested they all play a game together. I'm pretty sure had I not been there, the kids would have tied her to the chair and taken over the class. But since Lucy's mom was a witness to any potential crimes, they went along with it. She had them play Heads Up Seven Up. And then Mrs. Sub had the audacity to stick to the schedule. Mrs. Normalteach, and all of the other second grade teachers uh, well, they let recess go on a little extra long. But Mrs. Sub wasn't having any of that. And the kids were depressed.
This is all going on while I stuff the folders, y'all.
So, the kids are mad at Mrs. Sub, but for the sake of not getting a bad report, and thoroughly confused, "Did we really just have a 10 minute recess of her making us play that game?" Mrs. Sub moves on to the next lesson: math. I keep stuffing, and much to my super efficient chagrin, I was almost done. Mrs. Sub then suggests that the kids write their own math riddle, and then she'll pick a name and they can come up to Lucy's mom and read their riddle and see if Lucy's mom can solve the riddle. Oh she did NOT just do that.
Panic. Aside from having to deal with all those little kids, the other reason I stuff folders is so I don't let on that math confuses me. Even second grade math. I mean really, what's the difference between vertices and angles anyways? Sigh.
Well now, the kids are going to figure me out. I'm starting to imagine the sub's report write up: "Bobby ate paper. Susan cut her pinky. And although Lucy seems to excel in all academic arenas, her mother does not."
Inwardly, I'm in a panic. Outward - I'm totally cool. The kids were trying to stump me. I made it through. But barely. Little rascals walking up to me to read their math riddles "I have one angle and no edges. What am I?"
"Oh, you are so a CONE! I WIN! One to nuthin! Who's next!? YEAH!"
Ultimately, I was concerned that I was going to flub up Lucy's reputation. I can hear it now on the play ground, "Dude, your mom doesn't know what a CONE is."
I'm sure Lucy would totally back me up, "Yeah, well she can cook and she's really really funny." Well, maybe not. Still, I was concerned that I could ruin her academic reputation.
When I got home she handed me a letter. Max had one too. They've been selected for some high ability learning program. Huh? Funny, when I got a note home to my parents, that was never quite the message. I see a cycle breaking right before my eyes.
That's how I roll.
