I just signed up for the triathlon and then took interest in the kids' magazine, because they are USAT members from their triathlon, which ofcourse, gets a free subscription to the USAT magazine. I figured it was a kids magazine about triathlons, and therefore, my level and that I should read it.
Mais non. It is a full on professional's magazine. They are serious about this stuff. I skipped all the fancy articles that totally lost my attention with crazy words like "glycogen index" or "split times" and finally found a three part article (get it? three part article, for triathletes...bahahahah!) that covers what to do when something goes wrong on each leg of the race.
Apparently, from this article, I'm going to be kicked in the face, there's potential for being cut, and could probably come out of the water with a black eye. Also, I could choke and "remember, you can hold on to the safety boat for as long as you need, you just can't advance forward". Whew, that's good to know. Well, there's my motivation to try this tri. Nice. That's just the first leg, let's read on.
So, ofcourse with the Bike leg, you could get a flat or your chain could break, and they talk about how to fix it yourself. My plan is to walk the bike. That, or get the EMT people to call my husband - because that's who fixes my flats or chains.
All the while I'm reading this, I'm thinking, "What could go wrong on the Run leg of a tri?" And to that, I answer myself with, "NEVER ASK WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG!" And I read on.
The Run leg of the article is titled "When your GI goes bad". What the hell just happened? My reading eyes have officially been violated. Like that one scene in the book WICKED when you read it and you're like, "That was out of place and gross and unnecessary." But then later, you realize it was necessary, but you could have done a better job of getting that message across without all the gory details. That's how I felt when I read this article.
Does this really happen that often in a triathlon? Shouldn't this be more of a marathon situation? I mean, I know I'm just running a sprint triathlon, but really. I consider looking away and not reading this article, and then I just read on with some sick curiosity. I read on and ask, "What the hell have I just signed up for?" Tapering fiber down and then back up after the race? WHAT? And then I read the, "You might want to take a potty kit with you."
A potty kit is a baggie with toilet paper and a lighter. A LIGHTER? What the hell is the lighter for? Cuz, the article has gone this far, but doesn't tell me what the lighter is for. To seal the bag? To burn off the stinch? Either way, I'm out. No can do.
JulzHOLLA! and I really want to fit in and all, but really, we'll take our risks of being outcasts and not packing the potty kit. Hopefully our matching outfits will mask our lack of tapering fiber.
I work without a potty kit y'all. That's how I roll.
