I'm starting to channel this woman again

Perhaps it's the rage. Or the fact that I, too, have this same facial masque.

Oh my gravy. What is it? What am I missing? Seriously, do I expect too much? My kids are filthy. I get so sick of riding them to clean up. But if I don't, they don't. And then I get all crazy yelling. And when I get all crazy yelling, I talk sarcastically, and they just get this look on their face like, "Is that one of those pro-tor-ical questions she doesn't want us to answer again? Why is her face so red? Did she really just thank us for making the house so messy so she doesn't have to do squats at the gym today from picking up all our stuff?"

Today, I spent an hour with the kids up in their rooms cleaning. I belted out orders. I thought maybe I'd take another approach and really try to explain why we need to clean and pick up.

"You need to only use one towel a week. You must hang it on your hanger in your bathroom. That way, it is there when you get out of the shower. That way, you're not running to your room naked and dripping, and you're not getting a new towel. That way, you don't leave soaking wet towels on your floor. That way mold and mildew do not fester in your room. It's not good for you. And doing a load of 6 towels every two days is killing the earth. You are killing the earth. You are single-handedly killing the earth with towels, Lucy."

Or.

"Max, what smells in your room? You need to find out, because I can't walk in here. Why is there a tent in your room? Is that a shoe in your bed? Did you sleep with that in your bed?"

So, we got all that cleaned up. Then, a measley 7 hours later, when it was time for bed, I went upstairs to make their beds because being the rockstar mom that I am, I decided maybe with that smell and all, their sheets should be washed or something radical like that. And lo, after all that lecturing and explanations a wet towel is on her floor. RIGHT THERE> I seriously considered leaving it and then waking her up in the middle of the night with the wet towel. Ofcourse I wouldn't beat her with it. Just wake her up and yell with those mommy-crazy-eyes. And then I remembered she's a pretty hard sleeper, and how much work it would take just to wake her up. Although I could get her to do it, she wouldn't remember it in the morning. The lesson, the shock, all would be lost. Dangit.

So, now I see why Mommy Dearest did it. She had to make that point, no wire hangers dammit. There's a reason why I don't spank my kids, y'all. I don't condone it, but I totally get it now. Because, "Hunny, plastic hangers are so much better for your silk gowns, they don't rust or leave permanent lines in the fabric." Just doesn't work. Still, I'm too lazy to follow through on all that physical labor. Fret not oh mass readers of mine. I'm all talk. The kids are safe. I've just got to find a way to get them to pick up. Until then:

NO WET TOWELS ON THE FLOOR. EVER!

That's how I roll.