Safe Side Super Chick rocks. Really. She should do a whole video on the guy driving down my street right now.
Today, the day after Mother's Day - I am pretty sure I got the "You're the Effn Meanest Mom in the World" stare down from Lucy. Max hides his emotional glares a bit better.
Ahh, summer is here. A balmy 50 degrees in the morning, and it's apparently been warm enough for summer-like activities to occur. We sat outside today, and I watched the kids discover climbing a tree. However, there's one summer activity I just cannot allow. I did it when I was a kid. But as a parent, it defies all common law of parental responsibility.
Let's review what we tell our children from the minute they can walk over and over and over again:
1. Do not run into the street.
2. Don't talk to strangers.
3. Don't take candy from strangers.
4. Do not run near moving cars. So, probably don't chase cars either.
5. Never go near cars with creepy men driving them who pull up and stop to see if they can lure you to their cars.
6. A guy in an old beat up van who's taken out all of the seats except the driver's seat is not safe.
7. No sweets before dinner.
Would you all agree with me on all of those rules? I mean, pretty basic rules you know? For all the diversity of motherhood in all it's extremism, seriously, we can all agree on those rules.
Then, for the life of me, can someone puhlease explain to me how the hell the Ice Cream Man is still allowed to go up and down my street? Dinging a little bell!?
I will go to ridiculous lengths to spoil my kids. Bouncy houses, chocolate for dinner, campouts at the zoo, triathlons, fancy dinner nights out, heck, this morning, they had cake for breakfast! But I will not allow all of my basic parental instincts to go out the window and lose my effn mind for the damned Ice Cream Man.
What is wrong with you people? Stand with me. With all that's gone on in the world, with Amber Alerts and Megan's Law, how in all of that which is reasonable that the Ice Cream Man is still legal?
And that jerk went up my street FOUR TIMES today. My kids watched as every other parent, again, lost their mind. It's like the parents are just as excited as the kids are. My neighbors were RE-ROOFING THEIR HOUSE, when their daughter comes flying around the corner, "MOM -ICE CREAM!" I looked away to see the truck, and looked back, neighbor has apparently jumped off the roof, because she's hauling ass to get in the house and get money so she can give MONEY to her daughter to go RUNNING into the street to a VAN that has no seats in it, but it does have freezers - convenient for hiding bodies. I'm just sayin. And it's dinnertime.
My kids watched every single kid on our street go get sweets before dinner and risk being stuffed in the freezer. Whatever. Still, they thought they'd ask. Lucy does this thing where she says, "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE..." until I stop her with hand gestures. You have to use gestures because she knows what the answer is, so she says PLEASE over and over to drone out the "NO WAY!"
"Lucy, what did you just have five minutes ago after dinner?"
"Ice Cream"
"And what do we have in our freezer?"
"Ice Cream"
"And when a guy in a car drives by, slows down, dings a bell and asks if you want sweets, what do you do?"
In mundane go-to-hell-everyone-else-lets-their-kids-do-it-voice, "Walk away." Then a glare.
"And what's my job as your mommy?"
"To keep me safe."
"And is the Ice Cream Man safe?"
Same voice, "No."
That's right, now go mow the lawn.
That's how I roll.
Oh, I am all about Safe side Super Chick and all, but it is THE FREAKING ICE CREAM MAN. It is a right of passage. Don't let them walk to the creepy man by themselves, but dude, it's the ice cream man. You tell my beautiful godchildren that when they come to MI this summer I will hunt down the ice cream man for them and then we will have Grandpa Pete buy everyone some super cool bomb pops!
Amen, sister! Who does a background check on the ice cream man, anyway?!? That guy even drives up and down our street in NOVEMBER! NO ONE WANTS ICE CREAM FROM THE ICE CREAM MAN IN NOVEMBER!
My husband and children will chase that germ ridden, potential predator, freezer holding converted van down the road and to the next street like a hound on a hunt. And I yell after them from the driveway "Get me something with chocolate in it!".
If by rite of passage - you mean your kid goes to the dirty old man with the converted van and then comes back safely with ice cream. What the hell do you mean, it's the ice cream man? That makes it okay? Stop encouraging the creepy guy. You probably feed the seagulls and pigeons too. GEESH!
MOTR, you don't need to hide your name when you correct my spelling. :)
Well since I'm about a 100 years older than you, I never had a bad thought about an ice cream "person" when my kids were young. But one of my favorite memories is when my youngest son (now 24) was 3. Very serious, like you could tell he'd put a lot of thought into this, he informed me he'd found someone for his grandmother "Nanny" to marry. You guessed it...the ICE CREAM MAN.