Off my rocker

Well, thanks y'all for all of your emails and sweet notes of encouragement. I'm at home now and have discovered a few things.

I've been living under the strict confinements of three rules:
1. No stairs
2. Lift no more than 10 pounds (No pushing or pulling anything:grocery carts, lawn mowers, brooms, mops, or vacuumm cleaners. DAMMIT)
3. No Driving

My doctor was very adamant about these rules. Perhaps she got a hold of my mother and was informed that I don't take to restrictions well. My doctor even lectured Ricardo, reiterated if you will, the three main rules.

Seems simple. Eh, not so much. Turns out that I'm in my own personal hell. Primarily, it's because I don't lay around well. I thought I would embrace it. But we live in a multi-level home. My bed and the shower is upstairs. So, upon my homecoming, I immediately, but very slowly and cautiously broke Rule #1 and retreated to my bedroom. After about 15 hours of laying there, and what with those 3 days in a hospital bed, my body needed a new position, my head throbbed, and I couldn't sleep at all. And at 4 a.m., when I'm wide awake, I'm biting my lip to not wake up Ricardo so we can hang out and talk about our feelings. I'm assuming he appreciates that I never did wake him up.

So, Day 2 at home, I bent the rules further, I would go down the stairs in the morning, stay downstairs all day, and only go up the stairs at night when I went to go to bed. Problem with that is, it's a multi-level, to get into the kitchen I have to walk up 3 stairs. And I would venture to say, Momma needs access to the kitchen more than a shower or a toilet. I'm just sayin.

By Day 3 at home, I couldn't get over a nauseating headache, when Ricardo in all his Greatness, after bringing me food I requested, and then by the time he got it to me, I pushed it away. Or after moving things, "Hey baby can you move that chair four feet so I can sit outside and watch you clean out the garage? No, not there, in the sun, please." After all that, my man (read like Billie Holliday) comes up with the idea that perhaps my wrenching headache that not even percocet could fix - and yes, I was taking the percocet for the headache, not the uh abdominal pain, I'm all good with that - Ricardo suggests that maybe my headache is lack of caffeine. OMG, I haven't had any cafeine in 5 days. And then he hands me a cup of coffee. God bless Ricardo.

So, on Day 4, I was feeling great! No more headaches, hello coffee, goodbye percocet. My girlfriends have stepped up. Ricardo should be worried because Julz(HOLLA!) has been making us dinner, taking our kids out for us, and then she had the audacity to come over after the kids went to school and brought me a coffee, we talked about our feelings, and then she vacuummed my house for me. I don't care who you are, that is hot! My girl, Abs, brought me a magazine and offered to take me out in a "Driving Miss Leslie" fashion to run any errands I may have. Turns out though, when you're sitting on your chaise all day, no errands really come up. Shopping online is now a new hobby for me.

By the middle of this week, Julz(HOLLA!) came to take the kids out and entertain them. You can imagine the surprise on her face when she arrived to get the kids, and I was dressed and ready to go and with my biggest puppy dog eyes asked, "Can I go, too?" She allowed me to join them, and I've never had more fun sitting at the park in all my life. Even better was when she swung me by the drugstore to get what is now over the counter for something that creeped up on me (pun intended) - a urinary tract infection (uti).The over-the-counter is called AZO. It used to be that you had to go get a prescription for that. But my humility is your gain, I'll post that little tidbit here for you. You're welcome. Then she took me to an even better field trip - SONIC! What what? Vacuuming AND Sonic. God bless us one and all.

The biggest downer about these rules is I feel like I've checked out as a mom. I'm so proud and yet sad to say, these kids can totally take care of themselves. Granted, no one flushed the toilet, AGAIN, and their rooms are a disaster, but still, they're doing a pretty good job of taking care of themselves. And when they can't, my friends and family are even more efficient, and get them where they need to be. In less than a week, I will be able to drive and do the satires, still no lifting though. I estimate that 88.7279% of my parenting is driving the kids around. And I love it. I love that they are strapped in and trapped in the car with me. I love that they have no where to wiggle. Nothing better to watch on tv. They talk to me in the car. And I really miss that. Next week, I'll pick them up from school and just drive. Just for lost time. Mwwwahahahah!

Today, I've sort of given up on the rules. I've gotta say, I'm impressed I adhered with a little bending as much as I did up to this point. That sneaky RIcardo seems to still have my driver's license from when I checked into the hospital. So, I'll have to get that back before I break that driving rule. I mean, driving against doctor's orders AND without a license, that's some double-doozy rule breaking. So, I'll only break one rule and/or law at a time.

I have indeed, been cleaning the kids' rooms. They are disgusting pigs. This summer is going to be the summer of responsibility and accountability. Pray for them.

That's how I roll.