Did you know the elevation at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon is 7,500 feet? Neither did I. What's the big woop with "Mile High City" when everything west of it in this trip is higher? So, even if I plummeted to my death in the Grand Canyon, it's a mile deep, I'd still be above sea level, right? Interesting.
I say all of this because at some point between the Grand Canyon and Page, AZ, Ricardo began to suffer altitude sickness. When we came down from the mountains, we really didn't lower our elevation one bit. And I was a wee bit, uh, insensitive to his headache and nausea, shall we say, until we all woke up with headaches the next day. We fought it with a box of allergy meds, a bottle of ibuprofen and lots of water.
Page, AZ, it turns out is home to the southern part of Lake Powell as well as the Glenn Canyon Dam, and the location of the river rafting trip on the Colorado I was forcing our family to go on.
And pause for a brief river rafting history with Leslie. It'll establish a great deal about my psyche later on for CPS or whoever to use for my insanity plea.
When I was a kid, my parents, who didn't really get along so well decided to take me and my way-older sister canoeing, down a river...with rapids. We went with my uncle and aunt. And my way-older sister was way older and smarter and chose, asked, begged to ride in the canoe with my uncle and aunt. I got to ride between my parents, you know the ones who hash out their marriage while partnering in a "friendly" game of Spades in front of the whole family?
"If you would just stop and think...."
"Well, I led you dumb jerk, how about you follow my lead for once you effn fatty. And then maybe do something around this house besides shit and eat."
You know, fun stuff like that. So, by all means, let's take your already rocky relationship, literally put your daughter in the middle of you two, add paddles, and rough waters but not call Dr. Phil or anything rational like that.
Ten minutes into the canoe ride, they argued, flipped the canoe, and sent me and the beer cooler floating down the river. And what has only been rationalized up to this point by my very sensitive late father was, "Well, you had a life jacket on and the beer cooler didn't." Thank you very much, Daddy. The only thing my parents agreed on that day was to save the beer. To their defense, they did get me, and then have me hold on to a tree limb while they hunted beer cans in the river. But remember, there was rapids. So, I didn't last long, and I went floating down the river again. "I told you to hang on to that damned tree!" Thanks for the save, assholes. You know who you are!
So, no, I don't like unmotorized boating. I'm not a fan of putting a choice in front of my loved ones: me or the booze? And I don't really appreciate the rolling beauty of water over the rapids unless I'm listening from a safe distance in a hammock, over dry land.
When researching all the activities at the Grand Canyon, I wanted to do something fun and cool. Riding mules might seem like a great idea to the very same people who would drink and canoe, but not so much with me. Ricardo is so tall, he's over the weight limit....wait for it...you with me? And it takes 3 hours to ride on the mules, whilst our feet drag - you gotta add that in - and the trails are "narrow" no potty stops for anyone but the mules, with twin 6-year-olds. Hmmmm.
We could fly over the Grand Canyon. The cheapest for the four of us was $1,000. And really, do you really want the cheapest pilot you can find to fly you over the Grand effn Canyon? I think not.
Lo, I found the river rafting tour. I laughed when I read about it. But this is a SMOOTH river raft. No rapids? Really? What, a motorized rafty-boat thingy? Then it occurred to me that the kids could see the Grand Canyon from above, and then ride the Colorado River and see the Canyon from below. How cool is that? VERY!
It was probably the most educational and impressive tour for all four of us. I highly recommend it. Technically, it runs you through the Glenn Canyon, but it's still impressive. They drive you THROUGH the Canyon, down a mile into the big ol Glen Canyon Dam. You get on a boat and tour guide lets you hang your legs over the edge while he tells you all about the Anasazis, the wildlife, the geology. And we stopped at a sandy beach and ate a picnic lunch. So fun. The view from the river is so cool than from up top, I gotta say.
Tha't how I roll.
My favorite one so far. You need to go on many more Griswald family vacations just for the pure entertainment value to the rest of us!