Just when I think a mom on the news can't shock me. Just when I think, I could probably defend this woman, give her a chance to tell her story, Octofreakshow comes out of nowhere. Whew! That lady has had me just really angry for the last few weeks.
But then, just when I think I've seen it all at the gym. And seriously, y'all. I've seen some crazy ass shit go down. That's when silhouette freakshow comes in and ruins my sacred grounds - she fizzled my steam. Oh, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T! Oh, yeah. Yeah, she did!
I'm in the steam room the other day. I go through my whole routine, get the towels down, everything all settled. Lay, down, and the steam comes on. Right after it stops steaming, some lady walks in, and thankfully, doesn't sit on me. She then goes to turn the water hose on the steamy sensory thingy to make the steam come on. I thought that was odd, since she couldn't see where she was going (my eyes had already adjusted and I have super power eyesight, so I saw her doing all this), because it was so steamy, that she would crank the steam back on. I thought all that was odd. But I didn't say anything, because it was 20 degrees out, and I spend a good chunk of my work out in the steam room "warming up". I figured I could handle it. But apparently, she turned on the water, and drenched the sensory thingy because the steam started back up and I thought it would never stop. It was so hot, I thought I should probably go get someone at courtesy services to help remove the other victims. (Another lady had come in by this time.) So, just when I figured maybe I was overreacting and try to wait it out, the steam went off. Whew. I'm gonna make it! I'm going to get my allotted 30 minutes of steam. I can do this! What the F*&%, what's that noise? I looked over, because I was next to the waterhose, and the crazy steam lady was up again about to hit the sensory thingy AGAIN! WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
So, I say, "Uh, you sure you want to do that?"
And crazy freakshow steam lady says all startled like, "I didn't know anyone was there!"
Before I can say, "Uh, that's because the effn steam was so thick when you got here crazy lady. Now STEP AWAY FROM THE HOSE YOU OXYGEN HATER!" Before I could say all that, she says, "What? You don't want more steam?"
That's when the other lady stepped in to my defense, "Uh, no, that's dangerous hunny. It's too much in here already."
Crazy said, "Wow. Ok." Put the hose down and walked out. I guess she thought "steam room" means continual steam. And apparently, we'd ruined her fun by wanting to BREATHE and all.
When we knew it was just the two of us, I asked the other lady that came to my defense in the moment of naked confrontation, "Did crazy just leave?"
The woman just giggled and said, "Hell yes."
I stayed for a few minutes, confused and bewildered. What the hell just happened? It was atleast 160 degrees in there. That ain't right. But still, thank God we were in there with her, to stop her. Otherwise, she'd still be in there, but not breathing.
Apparently, I was so distraught, after my workout and shower and such, I picked up the kids out of the ADVENTURE ROOM! (Those all caps were my singing voice, not my yelling voice.) And I got them each a snack. Then picked up all my stuff and we headed to the library for our next stop. But when I went to find my kids library cards, no wallet, what the, no PURSE (yelling voice) was in the car. We headed back to the gym, and there was my purse sitting, completely unscathed in the cafe.
I left, with purse in hand thinking, there's freakshows here, but not the kind that steal your purse. Thank God I go to that gym! I can think of a few others that wouldn't have had my purse so safe, nor a steamroom to defend.
That's how I roll!
