Lucy came bounding out of school on Friday with a little plastic treasure box and "Mommy, I lost another tooth!"
Typically, this is an exciting moment for mother and daughter, she's growing up, plucking things out of her own body. But since I didn't even know she HAD a loose tooth at all, I assume the guilty position. She held my hand all the way home and told me all about it. Apparently someone else's head may or may not have loosened the tooth, so that's good. It's not just my fault, it's some girl's head.
So, I go babysit at Julz(HOLLA!)'s house. Which I love, because girlfriend pays me in chocolate. That's hot. I'm guessing they prefer to be exploited by babysitter rates rather than have me because I stick around and chit-chat. "So, how was your date?" Next thing I know it's past midnight. I go home, crawl in bed, all is right with the world. In my most exhausted state, it takes me atleast an hour to fall asleep once I get in bed, if not more. It's been a really late night and I'm looking forward to sleeping in a bit on the weekend. We don't have to do the carnies-to-school routine, so that'll be nice.
7a.m. - Lucy comes waltzing in. If Lucy is in motion, if her eyes are open, if she's conscience, she's talking. So, she comes in yapping. I'm just about to yell at her with both of my eyes still closed that it's the weekend, and she needs to go back to sleep, when I notice that, yes, she is yappy, but her tone suggests she's either sick or sad. Maybe a bad dream. And then,
"Mommy, I woke up and my tooth is still here and I don't think the tooth fairy's been here and there's no money and I put my tooth right where Daddy told me to put it and nothing is there but the tooth and the tooth is still there and she didn't come the tooth fairy did NOT COME MOMMY!"
Shit. I'm a low-life mommy, building up grandeur dreams of fairies whisking away nasty and gross teeth (baby teeth are so disgusting, seriously) and replacing said nasty with money. I told her all that would happen, and may have very well contractually defied all laws of mommy lies. She probably has figured this out, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, oh dammit, Santa. Damn. Damn. Damn. I've just ruined everything. Damn.
I come to all of this realization while stumbling downstairs, somehow Lucy is distracted, I wad up some bills, it might have been a $50, I don't care, and thump back upstairs. I guess I told her to get back in her bed and look harder or wait or something because she's back in her bed. I pull the ol quarter behind her ear number and act like I'm helping search under her pillows.
"Did you look good under your pillows? I think she likes to leave it under the pillows."
She looks,and behold, redemption - her face lights up - jackpot - money in hand. Whew.
I smile, kiss her cheek, pat myself on the back, and start stomping back to bed, hoping to get a few more minutes in. And then Miss Thing hits me with,
"But she didn't take my tooth."
MOMMY CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH BEFORE HER FRESHLY BREWED COFFEE IN THE MORNING YOU DEMANDING LITTLE LISPING MISSING TOOTHED GIRL!
Fine, I just said that in my head. Meanwhile, Ricardo comes riding in on his horse with this cape to save me from this debacle. Or not. Perhaps he yelled from his own slumber (in his defense, we have a really comfortable bed, and since no one was bleeding or puking, he remained in bed) "Maybe you WOKE UP TOO EARLY and SCARED HER AWAY and she left before she could get the tooth."
She totally bought it. And she had $2 in her hand - the going rate in this house for a tooth - so she was cool with it all. On the way to the pumpkin patch later, Lucy explains, "Mommy, SOME people think that the tooth fairy isn't really real. And Bobby-Don and Emma-Sue told me that they aren't real."
"Oh." was all I could muster. Thankfully it wasn't something like, "Well stupid Bobby-Don is right, okay!? I'm sorry! I'm sorry I messed this up, but I AM THE EFFN TOOTH FAIRY OKAY? I am also THE EASTER BUNNY AND SANTA, AND CUPID. OKAY? I'M ALL OF THEM. IT'S MEEEEE. MEEEEEEE."
Thankfully, there is one person in this world that talks more than me. Who interrupts me. It's Lucy. So, after she tells me the kids at school say the tooth fairy isn't real, I say, "Oh." And she says, "But I don't believe them."
"That's good." Is all I choose to say.
Later that day, in very complex code and with the windows down in the back so the kids couldn't hear us or translate, Ricardo and I devised a plan of Divide & Conquer. There's a reason why I stay in shape. So I can bound up the stairs in a dead sprint to beat the kids in the house while Ricardo diverts them just a little, I get the tooth, hide it, and we go on with our day.
A few hours later, our sweet less-toothed little girl comes down to us and as happy as can be, because her faith, in the tooth fairy is redeemed, "Mommy, the tooth fairy came and got my tooth while we were at the pumpkin patch!"
Whew, close call.
That's how I roll.
You pulled that off well! With grace and style! I love that you are keeping the fun idea of the tooth fairy alive. You and Ricardo are awfully swift to get all of that past Lucy. She is a smart one!
It's my theory that she's even smarter than we think. She totally knows that the tooth fairy doesn't exist, but it playing us... She knows that if she lets on that she knows it's not real, there is no more money for lost teeth. She's probably even done the math that there are 17 remaining baby teeth, at $2 a pop, she's got $34 sitting in her mouth.
I'm totally impressed with you and Ricardo being able to pull that off. And I suspect Lucy's done the math too. ;)