Do you use an umbrella? I never use umbrellas. I like that song by Rihanna, though. It's fun. And I look just like that picture of her when I have an umbrella, too. Just like it.
The other day when Max was sick, it was raining pretty hard out. Not your average drizzle. Since Max was with me, I decided that I'd be a responsible parent and keep the sick kid less miserable and dry, and so I grabbed an umbrella.
I now remember why I never use umbrellas. They don't work. I learned early in this mommy gig that you don't give a kid an umbrella. You get poked in the eye, the stomach, and all while it's raining out. So, I made Max stand under my giant umbrella. When we got in the doctor's office, I realized from the hips down, I was soaking wet. So, that means Max's head was dry, the rest of his body was soaking wet. Oh, Yeah! THAT'S why I never use an umbrella. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK. Instead, I just don't leave the house when it rains like that. I thought I was just being grumpy and stubborn, but it turns out, I was just right. Again.
And what is that when you get in your car, from the rain? Trying to stay dry, and then close the umbrella with the car door open, you trying to close it and then slide it into the car. It's like some yoga contortionist pose. Then, inevitably, you get the umbrella in the car, just enough to brush over your legs, dripping. And then umbrella gets your car all wet. What's the point anyways! Am I doing it wrong? Anyone have a tip for me?
Maybe they should make an umbrella that goes all the way over your body. A six foot long umbrella. I'm on to something.
You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella. Stupid song.
That's how I roll.
Yeah, but Rihanna is hot.
Remember that little jingle for All detergent that said, "When you're close to the ground, there's more dirt to be found?" I think umbrellas work better when you're close to the ground too. Tried to make up a jingle for that, but it didn't quite have the same ring. ;)