Cancer - I'm against it.

As a writer - or just some yappy chick with a blog - I find it difficult to even admit that at this moment, I'm at a loss for words. I have been for quite some time. Ultimately, my dear friend -Carrie's brain tumor has become an overwhelming struggle. Carrie is still going strong. However, they've explained that there is simply no need for the Chemo anymore. Aside from that, I feel, out of respect for Carrie and all that her family, Yallison and I are going through right now, it's just time for once in my life to shut up about the details. Because really, all there is in the future is the unknown. No one knows what to expect. So, please keep her in your heart and your prayers.

That's what's up with her. But it's completely affected me. Every aspect of my life seems to be in deep thought and concern. But I'm helpless. I want to run down there and fix everything, but there is simply nothing to fix. I'm completely consumed by this. Carrie, you see, has been a constant in my life, my kids' lives. The beauty in all this is that there's three of us. So, Yallison and I are doing a good job of leaning on each other. We've played volleyball together, ditched boyfriends together, run together, been in each other's weddings, baby showers and baptisms, and just stuck together. We're not just some trivial bff's. There's so much more. And the hardest thing about this is trying to forget the last visit I had with her, which was hard. I feel like I've already lost her.
There is hope. It's a glimmer, but it's there.
The thing to me is, we are 34 effn-years old. If you'd asked me in high school while we were spraying our hair with AquaNet to get those 80s bangs as high as possible, I'd have never guessed a) the state was going to allow me to have children and 2) that we'd be dealing with brain cancer....at 34. WTF has never had more significance.
I find myself wanting to call her dad 4-5 times a day and ask what's going on now. How about now? How is she now? I also find myself in a funk that if I don't let my kids pull me out of it, I'm taking it out on them. I'm trying hard to not let that happen, but it has just consumed me. As a mom, I have to buck up. So, I will just let these kids help me out of the funk.
I've explained to them that Carrie is sick again and won't get any better. They took it into stride, and then asked if they could have a fruit snack. Yes you can sweetie. I posted this because it's part of being a mom, it's definitely the on the rocks part. It's part of dealing with life as a mom who depends heavily on her girl-power friends.
That's how I roll.