I told you Sven, I suck at Dodgeball.

This is how I roll in Dodgeball. It's my token move.

Sven announced a few months ago that he was organizing a dodgeball tournament. The moment I got JulzHOLLA! alone to tell her that her husband was crazy, I was informed that it was for charity. Exploiting charity like that, Sven. I mean, REALLY! Sven is a wee bit competitive and could rule SportsCenter with his sports knowledge. It's not even trivia, it's useful stuff. So a challenge, like Dodgeball, really helps him hone in on his rules and regulations chapter. It's new, inventive, ever-changing.

Then they explained they wanted us to play in this tournament. Really? I'm 6'3" and Ricardo is 6'8". You want us for full range of throwing and nailing with balls? Thanks guys. When we get an invite to partake in sports of any sort, our (my) first assessment of the sport is "Will this be a height advantage?" and then, if yes, "Can I totally dominate?" Granted, I'm not your best athlete. But I can hang in the sports of Basketball, Volleyball and Ceiling Light Changing. If there's wood cutting competitions, imagine the sport of changing a light bulb. With electricity and all, I can't believe it's not all the rave with some reality competition during this writers strike is all I'm sayin.

So, while I was being wooed to play in this tournament, I tried hard to fight it. And then they started telling me about this kid. And his single Mom. So, I did it for Jakson and his mom. I said I'd do it, hoping one of my kids would get me out of it with a broken limb or strep throat or something. Lucy almost pulled through with me, but it was just a lame sinus infection. So, I went.

Jakson is completely paralyzed. He is in Kindergarten. He's in a wheelchair and his mind is perfectly in tact, he really has his wits about him. It's just he can't move, eat. He's recently been given the opportunity to use a communication with his eyes. The problem is, doctors can't help him, because they can't diagnose him. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for a mother. I'd need answers. So, Jakson and his mom live in an apartment, it's small and it's not equipped for handicap needs. She has to lift him and push him through out a stuffed apartment. This Dodgeball tournament is in effort to continue raising money for Jakson and his mom to build a handicap equipped house, and I'm sure to help pay ever growing medical bills.

I'm happy to help this cause, but I had apprehension to participate because well, Sven is a bit competitive. And I am too, well, no I'm not. I knew that this was all for a good cause and all, but I knew I'd let the team down at some point. Because with Dodgeball you have to be quick, have good aim, and be able to think quick on your feet. None of which I have any skill in doing. I warned Sven, who, apparently was just desperate for another female to be on the roster, and I went. So, my cash donation wouldn't do, I'd have to play. Not a bad trade off, I suppose, play and suck for my team, for a good cause. Fine, I'll do it.

I'm happy to report, I figured out early on, that my role was ball shagger. I only sucked at the bitter end, when it counted the most. And to those jack asses who were throwing 100mph balls with a back spin on it. Thanks for the raspberries on my hip, thigh and shoulder. Effn jackasses. It was for charity. I'm well aware that my thunder thighs and birthin hips are easy targets. Thanks for the reminder. Geesh.

At the end of the day, we lost in bracket play. I was celebrating that I caught a ball, and then got nailed in the chest, which by the way, is a very small target, so great job to whoever threw that one. You hit these ladies without night goggles or binoculars - you deserve to win. And since Sven was the co-founder of this event, "I'm embarassed" came out of his mouth as we walked off. Hey, I told you buddy. I told you my cash was better than my game. But noooooooo, you had to have me. Sigh.

Ultimately Sven, you should not be ashamed, rather ridiculously proud. You could have just sent money. You could have gotten all your buddies at work to pitch in and send money to this family. But you did more than that. You brought an awareness to a community and a family in need. I know it took a lot of work, coordination, and immense amount of time to put this event together. I'm proud of you for doing it, and making me a part of it. And every time I go potty and look down at my bruised legs & hips, I'm happy to grin and know that I was a part of a great loss that Jakson and his mom will prosper from. You made it happen. Thanks Sven!

That's how I roll.