Mickey Mouse On The Rocks

All I'm sayin is, this guy loves Disney.

We're going to Disneyworld!...Mom On The Rocks Style.

I've had a lot of people tell me, You HAVE to do this. And you HAVE to do that. Something about waking up Tinkerbell, or dining with princesses. The first time you go, you need to stay here, the second...third....fourth time... And all I have to say to all that is, "Nuh-Uh."

I know some very wonderful people in my life. Good, honest, wonderful Disneyworld Freakish people. In our humble opinion, these people are off their Mouse Ear Rockers. For the life of us, we can't figure out why anyone would take their kids off a sleeping schedule for 7 days, sometimes 2 weeks for this place. And why in the name of all things Mousketeery would anyone go back, over and over again? I'm sure we're about to find out when we go. Maybe we'll fall in love with the place and in the midst of a mickey mouse cupid time share guy at the airport suckers us to come back over and over again. I doubt it. But never say never, especially to mouse ears. Here's how we roll in Disneyworld:

1. We go once. One time only. Ricardo and I agree that this place is worth a visit. Worth taking the kids. But this isn't the cool mall play area, folks. One time only. If they love it so much, they can go back...when they take their kids. We take them for the experience of a lifetime. And then after this, we take them to see other majestic, beautiful and somewhat educational places in America. I think Ricardo and I need a refresher on what makes America so great anyways. (It's not Disneyworld, I know that.)Then, just when the kids think that the world revolves around Americans, we venture out, learn new cultures, new countries. That's our MOTR Long Term Vacation Plan: Disneyworld, America, World. It's a solid plan.

2. We go to one amusement/theme park a day. And only the ones we want. No water parks. This comes from a long standing successful theory on child rearing, you give them too many choices, they will explode. Just a few options. We'll hit the big stuff. It's clutch time in the fourth quarter. We go in, we ride, we see stuff, we get out. No harm, no foul. If we can't see it all in a day, then we don't see it. We'll never know what we missed. And if we can't see it in a day, then we just don't see it. That's the beauty of it.

3. It's like Eminem was writing the song for Disneyworld:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You want it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo.

Maybe I'll sing that to the kids on the way down there.

4. We will not tell the kids we are going until the night before we leave. This does two things: it alleviates the "Are we going to Disneyworld today?" every hour for the next 6 weeks. And also, by not telling them, they'll get no pre-conceived notions. They'll have no time to do research, ask their pals, or look online. I'm pretty sure the look on their faces when they just see the castle as we walk in is going to be worth the whole deal. So, nobody blow it for them.

5. This is the only time ever I will ever ever ever take my kids out of school for a vacation. This is a minor attempt to keep what little sanity we have in tact and avoid the crowds. It's worth the sacrifice of our children's Kindergarten education to have minimal crowds. And don't get all high and might on me, I've coordinated with both teachers that indeed, they are brilliant enough to fall out of line for a few days. And staying with the consistency of Meanest Mommy in the World (it's hard to hold that title when you take your kids to Disneyworld.) I will be bringing all of their assignments and homework with us. They will do it. When I was in high school, I missed a bunch of school for some basketball tournament, and when I got back, in my typing class, I'd missed the p's and the q's section. Just never really able to recoup from that. I think I missed the numbers section too. So, we'll KNOW our letter of the week. Don't you worry! Maybe it'll be D for Disney. Or F for Effn Mouse. Something like that.

6. I will ride that monorail. I will make the whole family get on it with me and ride it. I've always wanted to. I will force my kids and RIcardo to ride It's A Small World too. That's all. Everything else will be a relaxed, fly-by-the-seat of our pants celebration.

I'm looking forward to hearing all of your tips and planning advice. That's how I roll in Disneyworld.