Thank you Skippy's mom from Lucy's kindergarten class for not only exposing your son to the very scary Scary Acres at Halloween, but letting him come to school and scare the buhjeezus out of my daughter with intricate details.
"Hunny, that stuff is fake."
"But Mom, Skippy said it's FOR REAL. And there's a real guy with a REAL knife, cutting ANOTHER REAL GUY! It's FOR REAL. HE SAID SO!"
I'm guessing that's why it's not recommended for 5 or 6 year-olds. I'm just guessing.
Scary Acres is exactly that. Julz(Holla!) went on a hot date with Sven and reported back to me that there are about 4 different sections.
The Scary Menu looks something like this:
The hayrack ride through the "forest" finale is a man chasing you with a chain saw...$25
Cornfield Maze, finale is a man chasing you with a chain saw...$25
Haunted Mansion, finale is a man chasing you with a chain saw...$25
Pet the goats, finale is a man chasing you with a chain saw...$22.95
I just drive right on by this place. I've never liked scary things, tv shows or movies. It took an Act of God for MyDaph to drag me to see CandyMan for the college free night at the movies back when we were in college. Our dorm bathroom looked a lot like a scene in that movie. So, for the rest of the semester, if I had to pee, and it was dark out, MyDaph had to escort me in there.
But since I was pregnant, my dreams escalated to nightmares so much in fact that I excluded all conflict of any sort out of my tv viewing diet. One night I had a craving for breakfast and so we went to Denny's. We were seated close to the ugliest crossdresser (male or female) I'd ever seen. That night I had a dream that I made out with Marilyn Manson. No more pancakes for mamma. I wasn't sleeping well as is, with those 50 pound fighters wrestling in my uterus of steel every night. I was also huge (really?) and couldn't roll over. So, I had to resort to waddling my 270 pounds to Ricardo's recliner. Atleast then, if I needed to get up, I could use my momentum and the lever on the chair to scoot me up. Do you know how hard it is to find something on tv at night while you're nestled in a recliner with absolutely no conflict? It's tough people, but I found it. It was the Cosby Show on nick at nite. Good stuff.
So, even now, again, the fear of, well, scary stuff, never went away. I'm more flighty, and even more scaredy. I resist adventure. Personally, I think twins are enough adventure. Don't you? I potty trained twins, I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ADVENTURE! HAhahahah!
So, when we were at the bank this week, and Lucy went on and on about Skippy's experience at Scary Acres, I couldn't resist a little fun.
Lucy: "Mommy, have you ever been to Scary Acres?"
Me: "No, Mommy doesn't do Scary Acres."
Lucy and Max together in Harmony: "WHY NOT!?"
Me: "Because Mommy doesn't need to pay to get scared. I've got kids for that."
And we all three giggled. They have no clue how scary it is to have kids. No clue. But it was funny, and that's what I'm here for.
That's how I roll.
