Mom On The Rocks

The husband looks all proud. But really, the wives just use him so they can have more wives. You don't see polygamy the other way because really, what woman in her right mind would want 4 husbands? 4 wives makes sense, dontcha think?

Last week, Ricardo went out of town. I do realize what I'm about to post is shocking to most wives out there. But Ricardo pretty much works 8-5, at home two days a week, and always comes home for lunch. So, really, we are spoiled. And when he goes out of town, I have to actually DO MY JOB as a FULL-TIME SAHM. Whew! I realize we are very well taken care of, and the majority of moms out there, are kissing their men goodbye and tell them something like, "See you next week" or "See you at 7p.m." because of a sweet ass commute they have or something like that. But not me. I kiss Ricardo goodbye and ask him what he'd like for lunch. Fine, I don't even do that. He makes his own lunch when he gets here...I'm spoiled, I get it.

So, when Ricardo announced he was having to go out of town with only a 2 day notice, I thought of all my options. I guess I might have slipped into a panic mode. Because Julz(Holla!) sensed it when I called her.
"Girl, Ricardo is going out of town for FIVE DAYS! I'm trying to decide what to do...maybe I should road trip out to Texas with the kids before school starts, or maybe I could take them on a vacation on my own...."

"Simma Down Nah," She said. Julz(Holla!) is a pro at single-mommin it. Her husband, Sven, he travels a lot. And the company in which he works for, squeezes every dime he's earning out of him with meetings. He must be the most important person in the world of work, because everyone's begging him to go to meetings. Sven works hard. And don't get me wrong, I benefit from many perks of Sven's job, being his wife's online girlfriend and all. It's been mentioned on occasion that I'm the reserve wife. We just make sure Sven gets fed when Julz(holla!) is out of town or something.

So, Julz(Holla!) and I come up with a plan to entertain the kids and keep everyone busy and wear their little butts out, all locally. It involved a slumber party, Saturday breakfast, a jaunt at the Taste of Omaha, and a baseball game. I'm sure in there somewhere, we went swimming at the pool. The problem (not for me) when good girlfriends circle up and rally to help another girlfriend out is that the reserve husband gets stuck with it too. And so, Sven, stepped up and helped us corral all 4 kids (3 four-year olds and one toddler) at the slumber party, breakfast, the Taste of O, and the baseball game.

It occurred to us when we were at the breakfast place....with another girlfriend, Katerz. Katerz is single with no kids and apparently, a glutton for punishment, came over to hang out for the slumber party and Saturday breakfast outting. So, there it is, right there at the breakfast table in a restaurant: Three wives, four kids, and a husband. It's Big Love. Looked like one inter-religion polygamy-fest. Poor Sven. We joked about it, and giggled.

But by the time we'd gotten to the Taste of Omaha, the logistics were in full swing. Katerz had left, citing something about there's a reason why she has no kids or something like that... We're a wife down and now, out-numbered 4 kids to 3 adults. Mind you, it's the hottest day of the year, it's 4p.m. and we're walking the kids around a little fair of food and games. At some point, Max had suggested his stomach hurt. I tried to poo-poo it off. The fake sick thing has been in full force at my house lately. So, I figured, out of sight, out of mind. As soon as we got there, we were waiting in lines with whiney kids. And by "kids", I mean, MY KIDS. So, we walked them over to the kid stuff. All the big kids wanted to ride this spinning ride. So, they got on. In hindsight, this was not a great idea, folks. The girls were having a great time on the ride. And the ride seemed to go a long time. Just spinning....round and round.....round and round...It turns out, the ride operator was letting them go as long as they wanted, since no one else was waiting in line. That's nice, except it's spinning. And Max is starting to turn green. It's 100 degrees out, and instead of his usually red-cheeks, he's sheet white. No more smiles. Round...and round.... I ask if he's okay and eventually, in mid-spin, he tells me "No! I'm not!" So, I walk over to the guy and ask him to stop the ride, we have one that's gonna blow. Turns out, that stomach ache...totally not faking it.

We got the kids to a table and opted to feed them, since we were at the foodfest and all. Max was okay, but miserable all at the same time. All I could think of is, "This is the absolute worst place to barf, at a food festival, in the heat of the day." I tried to scan for a good place to get him to in the event he started to blow, but never found one. Thankfully, he never barfed.

Big Love kicked in as we had wife sit with the kids while wife and Sven go get food for everyone. Then wife had to stay with one of mine while I took another to the potty. (A port-a-pot....eww) It was when we were leaving the place that Big Love never looked more prevalent. I'm holding Max, Julz(Holla!) has the toddler, and Sven has the other two. It was verbal small-group communication at it's finest. Lucy was playing balance beam and fell and scraped up her knees. We just needed to get to the car. Max was getting heavier and I had his drink in my hand. So, Julz(Holla!) took it for a while. Then her toddler started to wiggle, so she had to hand it off back to me. The best multiple wives comment I ever heard was when I was starting to lose grip of the drink again. Julz(Holla!) came by and said, "Here, I'll take the cup, mine (kid), stopped wiggling, I got it." And together, like a well-oiled polygamist machine, we got the sick kid, the scraped-knee kid, and the other two overheated children to the car.

I was so happy to have them there with me. The kids were too. Lucy told me later that Sven helped her knees not hurt so bad. That's so sweet.

All I'm sayin, is maybe, logistically, this polygamy gig ain't such a bad idea. I'd LOVE to have some more wives. Seriously.

Sven is out of town this week. And I got a call and was so happy to answer it. "Get yo ass here now. (She didn't really say it like that, but I KNOW she wanted to) I NEEEEED you. Kid B is napping and I have to take the dog to the vet, she's spurting blood."

My response, "Eww. I'm on my way."

I can't decide what feels better, being helped. A good friend, just knows when to help. Or, getting to help. A good friend knows when they can count on you. That feels good.

Ricardo is going out of town again. I better call Sven, and book him, but mostly, just his wife. I'm going to need a good wife to get through this.

But before he goes, Ricardo gets to be BigLove husband and take other wife and me and all the kids to Saturday Breakfast. I'm sure Ricardo is looking forward to it. He's got to experience it...livin the dream, man....livin the dream.

That's how I (and my other wife) roll.