Okay, I'm watching the Today Show. And they have this lady on there. I'm not judging her personal appearance, I'm judging her ridiculous plug for her stupid book. She was on a few months ago, plugging just the book. Today, she's on debating the "Mommy Wars". In case you haven't heard, there's a huge debate (created by the media and working people), that pits Working Moms agains Stay-At-Home Moms. This lady is, to say the least, overweight, and I think that she should do further research and she'll find that healthier women are happier and sell books, and are usually better employees. Also, if she really wants what is best for her and her kids, she should focus on her health and not my finances...But that's just me. Because when you see her when you're wogging by the television in between changing the laundry and getting breakfast on the table, you just think, "Man, is she on a health make over segment?" And then she starts talking and totally discredits herself.
The irony of the whole segment is that the majority of women watching are stay at home moms because working moms are uh....working. Doi. So, here we are, your viewing population, and you're continuosly slapping us around with how stupid we are for staying home.
I do have the best of both worlds. I work part-time, and stay home with my kids. I'm sure I piss off my working mom friends when I explain that by noon, I've worked out, gotten a good steam in the steam room, and have lunch brought to me and the kids poolside on occasion, and usually spend the afternoon laying on a pool lounging chair while the kids play nearby in the pool. I can see where that might tick off a few hard working moms. Because working moms deal with just about everything a stay at home mom deals with, on top of an 8 hour day with 40-year-old temper tantrums and then goes home to the the kids.
It's very important to mention here that I am pro-whatever you want to do. I am not some freaky-deaky liberal who thinks we should just go with whatever we feel. Some moms are better moms for working, and some moms are better moms for staying at home. AND, some Dad's are better for staying home and some dad's are better for working. See? I'm not even sexist (today, I'm not atleast). It's a freakish algaebraic equation really of what works best for the mental/physical health of the potential stay-at-homer, the kids, the marital relationship, and the finances. I've mentioned more than once that on a bad day, Ricardo has come home and found me looking for a full-time job, because it's not always a day by the pool with these kids.
The chick's argument (I've tried to find her name, but can't...maybe tomorrow) is the what if's. I think if she'd written the book of what to do to protect yourself as a stay at home mom, she'd be better received. She has some good points: When you stay home, you don't get, Retirement & Health Insurance. My argument to that would be that most of us SAHMs were working prior to getting knocked up, and stupid air-heads (apparently those hormones and choices to stay home make us stupid ditzzies), we have IRA's, 401K's, and I'll go with you on this one that the social security probably isn't that reliable, but we have it. And we kept it. I don't know any SAHMs who decided to cash that in for a bonus on accepting the job as SAHM.
Her main argument is "What if your husband(your financial supporter) turns out to be a douche-bag and bails?" My counter to that would be: What if your boss turns out to be a douche bag and bails, the company goes under? Hmmm....can you say Enron? What if the building your in gets a plane right through it? No one thought that would happen either.
My main complaint with this particular lady is that she assumes all SAHM's are solely basing our decision to be SAHM's on emotions and the need to be loved and all that crap. And that we've made no thought to our future or our financial stability, or the what ifs.
What if your 'financial supporter' gets sick and/or dies?
My personal favorite is this lady's claim that should something happen (douche bagness, death, illness, disability) that a SAHM would be rejected to enter the workforce because we now have no qualifications. What? Wiping butts for 4 years isn't a good qualification for the workforce? REALLY!?
Her argument is that once the kids are gone to college, employers don't want old washed up moms. Really? Is that because they aren't reliable, responsible, and on-time? Dependable that they're set and won't bail on a better waiting job at Chili's? Really?
My tort: I do not know one ioda of a mom or a dad (there's some really awesome stay at home dads out there) who just woke up one day and said, "Hark, I'll just stay home with the kids" on a total whim. It's a plan, probably tested and executed much more than switching jobs or a career plan. Most of the moms I roll with have a college education if not a Master's degree. And most moms have a back up plan if they should need to get back to working. I choose to work part-time. And if I need to, I can go full-time. Both places I work, are wonderful and flexible. And should I need to, I can pick up more hours. I have planned & worked very hard to have options. And for the lady to tell me that I'm hurting myself, and ultimately my kids because "What if", well, she's off-base, of which has no basis for publishing.
Not all moms/dads should work full time, and I don't think all moms/dads should stay home. I've been to the park, watched a few moms, and thought, "That lady needs a job...or a therapist." But it's just a thought and not an entire exploiting book, while this woman gets air time to voice her stupid opinion. Matt Lauer, you goof, next time you have this debate, could you please allow a SAHM in this debate? Makes sense to me.
That's how I roll.
Okay, here's what pisses ME off. (and I'd write it on my own blog but would be disowned).
My sister works as a teacher because she WANTS to. Fine. Her kid is in Daycare, but it works for her. She also has a cleaning service come so that she can spend an extra 3 hours a week with her daughter. Then has the nerve to sniff at my SAHM ass when she comes to vist and remark on whether or not my house is clean enough to her standards. BTW, it's summer, she's a teacher, and her kid goes to Daycare 2 or 3 days a week (WHILE HER PARENTS ARE HOME BECAUSE BOTH ARE OFF FOR THE SUMMER) so that the baby can stay in a routine, and my sister can "get something done". Um, you're not watching your kid, or cleaning your house which doesn't get dirty if your kid isn't even there 75% of the time anyway. The only time she grocery shops is when her husband is with her anyway, so she doesn't even really do that.
Doesn't it stand to reason that on a teacher's salary, you're pretty much paying for your daycare and cleaning ladies and then claiming it's all so you can spend more time with your kid? And if that's what you want to do, fine, but don't look down your nose at my macaroni and cheese encrusted couch pillows because I'm not working to have someone else do all my shit for me.
Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry about the length of the comment. You just touched on a nerve with your very well written entry that I do wholeheartedly agree with!
:-)
Dear Looney Tunes Mom,
I get what you're talking about. I don't have the cleanest of homes, and at times, have actually thought to get a maid service. And then I remembered, that's me....the maid service. I'm a terrible housekeeper. And I'll totally vouch for you that grocery shopping with your husband doesn't count. You have to do it with your kid(s) alone for it to really count.
I wonder, is she eyeballing your house and you're translating that as she's judging you? Or, is she actually saying something to you about it?
People who can't deal with my house (it's not THAT bad) just don't come over, really. I don't have them over. But she's your sister. So, I would tell it to her if she's actually said something to you about it. Sock it to her. Remember, she's your sister. So, you need to work it out. Harboring resentment will get you no where, my friend. Trust me. I've had many a conversations that started with, "Remember that time you said this...."
and offender would respond something like, "Les, that was 1991."
and I'd say, "Yeah, well, I've been thinking about it and it bugs me. Because you're wrong."
And then we go from there.
As long as the maid service and daycare while she's on summer break are working for HER family, that's fine. But she shouldn't judge you...no way. If talking it out doesn't stand a chance, I say, up it a notch. Sling macaroni all over the house before she gets there and DARE her to say something. Maybe some fur balls in some obvious places. Serve her kid some food on your kitchen floor...fun stuff like that.
Best of luck to ya. And remember, when one vents to MOTR, one tends to get back some ridiculous unqualified and unsolicited advice!