You know you're getting old when you site the movie Caddyshack to some lifeguard who, mind you, is in charge of watching my children in water, yet hasn't the maturity to know about a BabyRuth referral. Mo-ron.
Seriously, y'all. I'm at the pool, we've been there a long time. Every pool break the kids just kept wanting to stay. It's the first day this summer that we've been able to swim. Ricardo keeps explaining that we live in Nebraska now, and summer hasn't even begun yet? Really, hunny? Because mine has. The kids are out of preschool. They GRADUATED! Remember that? So, to me, it's summer time. Apparently mother nature and the rambling idiot that can't make up his mind, otherwise known as a weather man, they disagree with my theory. So, I let them stay.
We are very white folks, people. And by white, might I remind you of just how pastey I am, let alone, my sweet defenseless children. I put sunblock on them every break. I think. I don't know, I was having too much fun slurping down margaritas and watching the kids have a ball all while lounging, painting my nails and reading a friend's book.
It occurs to me at some point, that I might need to round the kids up and do something for dinner, make it look I'm a substantial contribution to society and my family and all that. So, I tell the kids. They're having fun, and really do a great job of leaving when I say leave. So, they accept their fate of 10 more minutes and all is well with the world.
That's when I look up and see a mom mention something to the lifeguard. Now, IF I were a "cougar", I'm sure I'd mention just how cute this lifeguard boy is. But since I'm not, I won't. Because clearly, he might have gotten a ride from his mom to work today. And that's just wrong. Anyhoo, so, the mom says something, the lifeguard hops off his stand and comes to the zero entry of the pool, walks in a little, and looks down. Takes his glasses off, looks a little closer and confirms, we need to evacuate the pool because someone has just evacuated their bowels in the pool. My kids do as they are told and jump out of the water.
Good job, kids. So, after they are safely out of the nasty water, I start giggling. The lifeguard boy isn't quite sure what to do now. I'm texting Ricardo, because to me, it's funny. I've never seen this happen before, except on Caddy shack.
So, I say to the kid, "Heh heh, is that a BabyRuth in there?"
"What's a BabyRuth?" Say what!? "I don't know what a BabyRuth is, but I was supposed to be off my shift in ten minutes." Poor guy. I'm sorry sweety. But I've ended many a shift cleaning up poo. So, I just kept giggling and texting. It's all checks and balances.
It turns out my kids, and ME, are fried. I'm pretty upset with myself and am on a mission to let those kids have fun in the sun and not expose them to melanoma in the process.
That's how I roll.
Are you kidding me?
How can anyone not know what a Baby Ruth is?
That's criminal! What kind of bizarre religious cult keeps their young people ignorant of candy bar lore? He didn't even know what Caddy Shack was either?
He was grown in a lab somewhere. He probably got a perfect score on his Math SAT's.
His mom is probably still hyperventilating that he's too close to the water,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......