Today, at school, Pre-K, mind you, I got a homework assignment. Me. It's for me. This is a fun one, because I get to do it twice. Super. Clearly, I'm about to be found out, that indeed, I have no clue what I'm doing and the state should have never released these children into my care.
Already, I'm shamed with fear and test anxiety, and much more concerned with getting the assignment done right than I ever was when it was me in school. They just gave me a blank piece of paper that says, "My child is special" and I'm supposed to fill in the blanks.
At some point, I started coming up with some very "creative" points as to why my children are special. Enough to necessitate this entry. Clearly, I can't REALLY turn these in. But I just have to get it out.
So, without further ado:
My Child Is Special, by Mom On The Rocks:
My child is special because
1. She's just like me. And that's extremely frustrating, and yet brilliant.
2. She can mix a vodka tonic with a twist of lime just right. But she's learned the hard way to not rub her eyes after perfectly giving the lime a slight twist before assembling it just so on the edge of the tumbler.
3. He can pee a very long distance. If it were water rather than urine, I'm guessing we could use him to put out large forest fires.
4. Thanks to toothless, dixie flag waving superfreak nascar industry, my child knows all his numbers and the sponsors. (Last year and this year....apparently they change up on occasion.)
5. Neither of my kids require A.D.H.D. drugs, but yet, both request daily that I go on some type of pharmaceutical enhancement program of my own. Now, that's special.
6. She thinks being a BRATZ is a good thing. So, when I shout it at her, in my best no-wire-hangers-ever voice, she's beaming with pride.
7. SHE can fart the alphabet.
8. He knows all the words to Too Legit To Quit and the theme song to King of Queens.
9. Today she told me that chocolate was her favorite vegetable.
10. They are both smarter and cuter than all the other kids in their class. (If you are a pre-k mom reading this, I'm just kidding. If you're not a pre-k mom, I'm totally serious.)
I think I'll just turn this in.....at the very least, it'd bring joy and laughter to the teachers.
That's how I roll.
Pure Genius!
HaHaHa! Your children are special! Are you looking forward to the cardboard cut out that you are supposed to re-create as your child? Maybe you could have Lucy with her Bratz toothbrush hanging out of her mouth!