Terms that literally bug me

I have a lot of pet pieves. Frankly, the term "pet pieve" pieves me. Why is it a pet? I digress. Most of my pieves are my own personal issues. Funny, it bugs me that other people do it, but I continue to do it without a trace of insight. However, these phrases, I catch in everyday life conversations and on the news, in interviews. I don't do any of these because I've had a personal commitment ceremony with myself and the words I use.

1.When someone says "Trust Me" he or she is lying. Seriously, it's like they are saying, "Respect me." No sir. You have to earn respect, not demand it. And you can't just tell someone to trust you. It's a complete contradiction of what's to be accomplished. By telling me to trust you, I know you're lying or you're just wrong. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had to resort to such desperate simplicity.

2. To Be Honest Witcha - This is a good chuckle. It goes along the lines of "trust me". When you're in the middle of a conversation, or an interview, and you say, "To be honest with you, the money doesn't matter to me." I smell some bullshit. In claiming in the middle of a conversation that THAT is the point of which you are asserting honesty, you are fessing up that the preceding said conversation is all not what you've been honest with us?

"To be honest witcha" can also be a great drinking game when watching . So, for all my college student readers have an Orange County Choppers party. I'm sure there's a ton of you. Stay home, don't go out and drink and drive. Stay in and start a new game: drink everytime they say "To be honest witcha" on their show. To be honest with you, they say it a lot. Every single one of them.

3. "If I were you"...If you were me sir, you'd be so much better off. You'd be right ALL the time. You'd be happy and have fun and probably laugh a little more. Sadly, I'm probably guilty of saying this one on occasion.

4. My jab at Matt Lauer, the best example of a bad example of journalism I could ever encounter. "Can I just say" is ol Mattie's trademark. I'm willing to go on the record and claim that this too could be a phrase you and your buddies could play onesies with. It'd be in the morning, but really, how else could you get through the morning than with three (and soon to be FOUR) hours of this guy? Granted, he did a pretty good job of letting ol Tommy Cruise show us what he's really about. But most of the time, he's not interviewing, he's not asking questions. He's telling his subjects how HE feels about things. A good journalist asks questions. So, he makes his statements by prefacing them with "Can I just say..."

"Can I just say, I prefer thongs over briefs OR boxers?"

"Can I just say, I loved your movie about horny toads?"

"Can I just say, you're way fatter in person?"

"You know what I mean" You know What I'm saying

5. This is "literally" the worst word ever. Literally might be the most mundane and overused word of our time. Please stop interupting yourself with this word. Literally. I think I will start using the opposite out of context in place of literally. "I figuratively just gave my last dime to Macy's one day sale. Oh wait...that was IN CONTEXT! Imagine that!

6. And my personal favorite is when people use the word fetish out of context. I cannot make this up. Recently, I was at one of my favorite take-the-kids-to hang outs. And I striked up a conversation with a lady who had a kid that was playing with my kids as well as a baby. The baby was sticking her toes in her mouth. I joked about it. I was right on, I'm sure. The mom laughed and said, "Yes, she's got quite a toe fetish." I got up and walked away. Because I was about to yell, "NO SHE DOESN'T AND YOU ARE NASTY YOU SEX FREAK!"

People of the world, please listen. Fetish has a few meanings, but here in the good ol USA, here's what it always means: "Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification." So, you're BABY does NOT indeed have a frikkin toe fetish. She just likes her toes. Geesh.

I hear fetish used out of context probably once a week, and I'm officially on a mission to make it stop.

That's how I roll.