I'll have to give her a call...send her some chocolate.

Well, I thought I could escape this post. But it's time. I knew it was time, when on the phone with my MOTHER, I get this conversation where she's all in a tizzie (yes, you were Mom!) because my non-step dad and my mother got in an argument and he told her that she was wrong and how dare he because that was like tell her to shut up. Both of which don't jive with my momma. How dare he!?

Big Sigh...."So, what's the problem mom?"

"He says that Britney went to rehab, checked out and went and shaved her head and then got the tattoos. I SAY that Britney went and shaved her head and got the tattoos and THEN went to rehab. So, which of us is right?"

A flashback to my childhood which I'm still working out with my therapist/bartender who makes the most splendid dirty martinis and a big sigh later. Then a rush of adrenaline that indeed my MOTHER is consulting me as the stellar consultant of all things britney. She has no idea that I still wear a Swatch.

What I want to say when I catch myself talking about this constantly, it's unavoidable is: "I don't know, girl. Yeah, I'll ask her what the hell she's doing. I'll call her tomorrow, but I"m too busy today...I've got to get to the gym, and then steam room it, then the kids need to return their library books. Britney knows I'm here for her...I'll call her tomorrow, maybe send her some chocolate."

But instead.

"Mom, you're both right. Britney indeed checked herself into rehab A, checked herself out. Went and shaved her head, tattooed it up. She had a little stint at a hotel, it was ugly. 'Nobody wants me anymore...' blah blah blah. And then returned to rehab,hence checking herself out, yet again."

And Mom's response: long pause...and then, "Well, will you call him and tell him I'M RIGHT!?"

"I'll email him later mom, but I've got to get into the gym, and then steam room it, then the kids need to return their library books..."

Oh Britney, you're encouraging dialogue within tattered relationships like no Dr. Phil ever could. Not that I'm tattered with my mom or anything, but I'm just saying, you've opened the door for dialogue. It's about you and how we can fix you, but still, you've allowed us to focus on your problems instead of our own. So thanks for that. You just give and you give.

I personally love that the media says that she's lost it because she shaved her head. And then...THEN SHE ACTUALLY GOT NOT ONE BUT TWO TATTOOES AND ONE OF THEM WAS ON HER BIKINI LINE WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!

I'm guessing drugs are involved. Moreso, all those "friends and family" who are reaching out to her are really pissing her off because as we see with Anna Nicole, money and fame does freaky things to the people you're supposed to love and trust.

First of all, tattoos aren't just for prisoners and the NBA anymore, folks. And shaving her head is great. I look forward to her new album.....edgy, rock n roll. Go girl. Get yourself clean, and then call me!

That's how I roll.