Ten Points Of Light to Grocery shopping: My very own little effective use of OCD

Some might feel I may have thrown Sophia to the wolves. Poor girl, didn't see it coming! Trust me, I cleared it with her. You never want to get on the bad side of a good woman. So, to balance it all out, I thought I'd offer up my own throwing to the wolves. This is going to blow your minds. It'll turn out either wicked-genius, or wicked.

Before we go there, let me take a minute to share this with you: Clearly, these guys are amateurs. Amateur shoppers. Professional film makers. These kids have no children. They are WAY too perky and not focused AT ALL at the task. They don't even take grocery shopping SERIOUSLY. Sigh.

When it comes to grocery shopping, I've become quite the zen master. And so, I've developed my very own Ten Points of Light To Grocery Shopping. I'll wait while you get a pen to take notes. This is all very enlightening and will empower you to grocery shop effectively, ultimately making you a better, happier you.

Light 1. Assessing your menu. I get all my cookbooks out. Ricardo picks 5 dishes and I pick 5 other dishes. These are our entrees for dinners. We also discuss breakfast and lunch items, which are consistently the same.But for the most part, the menu is developed for dinners. I then assess what meals need side dishes. We pick 10 dishes for our family because through experience we've discovered that in a typical two week period, stuff comes up. We go out or go to someone's house for dinner. It's a nice round number and we usually have one or two extra items on the menu by the end of the two weeks. So, establish a menu of about 10 items, plus your basic lunch and breakfast staples.

Light 2. Go through each cookbook and itemize what you have and what you need from said grocery store for your menu and start your writing out your list.

Light 3. Add all items you are out of, which you should have been keeping an ongoing list tacked on the fridge for you and spouse to write down when you run out of something. Merge that list onto your new list of menu/recipe items. Also add all items you need for your breakfast, lunch, and snack items.

Light 4. Take new big whole list and organize it. Yes, you need to do this. Yes, you do. Uh-huh, you do. Take a moment with me to close your eyes and picture your frequented grocery store. Stop if you're visioning Walmart. You need a new vision. Okay, regroup...everybody have a nice grocery store in mind? Okay, walk through it. Chances are, you have somewhat of an idea where most products are located. Now, how do you walk through the grocery store? Do you start in the middle? No. Well, sort of. This gets complicated. Through experiment after experiment, after experiment and so on and so forth, I've discovered you should start with all canned goods. Go get all your heavy canned goods and boxed items. Then, start the loop. Return to one side, I prefer produce. If you work your way through produce, then to meats, then to dairy and then frozen foods, then back to bread and chips, you have a lovely set up of nothing getting crushed or melting. Please, no applause needed. Okay, stop and clap. Thank you, thank you. So, open your eyes now. And make your list in accordance of your visioned mapped route you just experienced. Make your list in order of travel. Make the list thorough. Rules of Engagement for grocery shopping are that you can't get what's not on the list. I've been known to write "Betty Crocker Chocolate Muffins" down in the middle of the baking aisle in order to justify putting it in the basket.

Light 5. Eat. Yep, that's Point of Light 5. Eat before you go shopping. If you're going on a Saturday, eat light. Because you'll be snagging some sweet testers. Feel free to snag the testers and disregard any feelings of obligation to buy the product you just snatched. Chances are, it's not on your list. Andyou can't get what's not on your list. So, eat, it'll help curb the cravings for EVERYTHING YOU SEE when you go grocery shopping.

Light 6. Go Shopping. Get in car and go to store. Please make sure you have ample space in the car to pack in all your groceries. When you get to Destination Grocery Store, take note that the best place to park is not, in fact, the front row or as close as possible, but the closest you can get to a cart rack. Because once you are done, don't be the jackass who leaves the cart in the middle of the parking lot.

Light 7. Get cart. Get list. Get all items on list in cart. See, by now, you should just follow the list. Be one with your list. Because, it is organized and well planned, and should just guide you through the store.

Light 8. Find a good check out line. This may not be the shortest line. You'll have to eye-ball it based on time restraints and your level of happiness at this point. If you have plenty of time, try to find the happiest cashier. If you're limited on time, please note that the shortest line vs. the amount of items in the cart before you may be deceiving. So, you've gotten the items and put them in your cart, now it is time to take them out of cart and put them on the three-foot conveyor belt. That's so convenient for the cashier to bring the food closer, three feet closer. It's like an airline chair reclining. It makes a big difference to someone, I'm sure.

Light 9. Some grocery stores sack your groceries for you. At most stores here, you end up sacking your own groceries and getting them back in your cart. So, those sackers out there, you're under appreciated.Because once you've put the groceries IN the cart, and then taken them out, putting them back IN the cart tends to get a little irritating. I think they should start a Sackers Union. Pay for your items and get cart of items to car. Take items BACK OUT OF CART and into Cart.

Light 10. Drive home very easy on the curves and stops. Having to fish for tomato can out of reach under the seat can really put a dent into your happy grocery experience. So, drive safely please! Get home, and take groceries OUT of car onto counter tops. Then take groceries OUT OF BAGS and INTO pantry, refrigerator and where the rest goes.

Once everything is put up, we have a giant chalkboard in our kitchen. All menu items are written onto the chalkboard. This is a fabulous way of avoiding the conversation:
"What's for dinner?"

"I don't know, what do you want?"

"I don't know, what do we have?"

"I don't know."

"Hmm, let's go out"

You've got your menu items to pick from, and you've got all your ingredients because you just did that big ass grocery list. Remember?

Congratulations. That concludes the Ten Points of Light to Grocery Store Shopping.

Side tips that will probably turn into their own mini-essays later:
*Do everything in your power to not take the kids to the grocery store. If you haven't a spare minute, share this post with a pal and form a discussion group as to how you can help each other out, watch each other's kids to test the 10 Points of Light to Grocery Shopping. Help a Sista out.
*Don't go to walmart, they get in your way. They'll slow you down. And it's not even the Walmart Man, it's the little people that the Man has trained to know nothing about the store, it's content or function and has also trained them to get in your way, slow you down, trip you if they have to.
*As you map out your plan of action in the grocery store, get canned items and such, then your dairies, then your frozens. Plan to make sure your eggs and any other delicate items don't get crushed.
*If you take your kids with you, don't allow them to hold the eggs. This is a very bad idea. Kids and slime and salmonilla simply don't mix well.
*If you do take your kids, I discovered through the powers of SuperNanny, give them a little list and let them help you. Or give them a cookie, or if it's a long grocery list, give them a box of cookies.

And so, as mentioned in the previous post, I have a few good points of turning OCD into empowerment of good. Go and get your shopping on.

That's how I roll.