Mom On The Rocks

This is not a doctored photo. Okay, fine, I made it black and white. It just seems more effective that way. Quite frankly, even if I wanted to doctor a picture, I'm not sure I could do it. So, take a look at this picture. It is of a family member's pantry. When I took this picture, Family Member, oh, let's call her Sophia. Sophia assured me that it is so easy and I too, could have a pantry like that. I explained that I was admiring the pantry. It's impressive. But I was taking the picture to show all of my friends and laugh. We make fun of what we don't understand. I digress. But truly, this woman has her proverbial poop together. If I can't attain it, I'm forced to make fun of it. I took the picture to show people that one fabulous woman has her stuff together, and no one else. Never have I shown the picture of this pantry to someone and they say, "Oh, I have a pantry just like that" or "Wow, mine is in MUCH better shape than that one."

Granted, I have pantry envy. I have a beautiful new and huge pantry that would make the local soup kitchen or the Duggars cry. However, I can only use the upper half of it because Farley the Wonder Dog opens it and helps himself. So, it's all crammed in there. The lower shelf of the upper half houses only cans because although Farley the Wonder Dog has gotten cans out and tried to get them open, it's usually too much work for him. Every now and then, I'll come home and find a scratched up soup can. The pantry is deep and dark, and I'm the only one who can find anything in there.

Not so at Sophia's house. Which is odd considering we share the same pack-rat crazy pile-it-up-and-put-it-in-a-corner grandparents. I think we both escaped that gene, Sophia more than I. Occasionally, I take a good long look at this pantry picture. Wouldn't it make a great greeting card. Have the picture on the front, open the card and have something like, "I hear you finally got your shit together".

What really impresses me with Sophia's pantry is the effort I know she went through to get it to that point. If you've ever been grocery shopping for a family of four, you know it's a doozie. And here's where I have my very own OCD, falling short of the final step in Sophia's pantry. I'll post my ten-points of light to grocery shopping tomorrow. And Sophia takes it one step further. If you'll notice in the picture, she takes all cereals, rice, pastas, grains, snacks, etcetera are in their very own labeled container. Where's the gin and vodka, anyways?

Sophia's grace in organization and having her poop together has actually been in my favor in more ways than one. She had kids before me and in that moment of intiated mommyhood, Sophia discovered the best item a mom (or dad who does laundry will every know): Felsnaptha

Folks, if you can find this, get it. I've hunted it down in a local grocery store in the laundry stuff aisle. You need one bar per 2 kids. That will last you about 4 years. Oprah's had this on her "Favorites" show. Pishaw Oprah, I've got it, I know girl. I wonder if she asked her maids and butlers what they like to clean with, or if some underpaid janitor at Harpo mentioned it to a producer one day. We'll never know, but I am sure Miss Oprah never heard of it until her writers told her it was going to be on the show.

Wet stain, rub stain with Fels Naptha, throw in wash. Now, let me take this moment to establish a disclaimer here: DO NOT LET THE CLOTHES DRY WITH THE SOAP ON IT. You can let the stain dry all jacked up in your laundry load, and then get stain damp, apply soap, then wash. Most stains with this product come right out, you don't have to let it sit. But if you let it sit and it dries, you're screwed. You cannot set it and forget it here. You with me? This stuff gets KOOLAID STAINS OUT. Yes it does....YES IT DOES! Koolaid, poop, pee, barf, chocolate, grass stains, mud, and blood. All of it.

Sophia, out of the kindness and consideration of that organized heart of hers, sent me a bar of this stuff upon word that I was due to have babies. God Bless Sophia. She has liberated me and my laundry-esque-ness. And I now pass the torch to all my impregnated pals. Oh sure, a card and a congratulations are attached. "Congrats, in 9 months, you're going to need one thing, this bar. More later, here's a gorgeous picture of my kids."

And so, see, Sophia's OCD has come full circle, benefitting my life, and the lives of all others, touching us in a way that only people who do laundry with kids can understand. And now, she too can benefit you. Go forth and get this soap. And also, you can use her pantry as a goal for your pantry now.

That's how Sophia and I roll.