Today is an odd day for me. I'm not sure how funny I can make this, but still, it's plausible. So here we go. Today is the first anniversary of my dad's death. Dad died suddenly and still it takes my breath away, literally, to think he's gone. First it just pisses me off. It may be selfish, but he's not here to see my kids grow up anymore. He's not here for me to call and give him the daily grind so he can laugh at how my kids are torturing me and I'm getting paybacks. I really enjoyed hearing him light up when they did something brilliant, or laugh when I landed a punchline for a crazy day.
A few months before he died, I called my dad to tell him that Max made another face that looked just like him. His reply was nothing less than perfect, "I knew that boy was brilliant."
The less selfish reason I'm ticked off is that he's not here for them to know. I thought my dad hung the moon before he died. So now, ofcourse, that he's gone, its two-fold. My kids will know their Pop. They will know as much as I can tell them.
The selfless part of me says that he is free from many ties that broke his heart. The toughest part about Dad dying was realizing what he'd been going through and that truly he was overwhelmed with stress. It was all the stuff he never told me. He's free from all that now. I believe that Dad gets some kind of crystal ball or something to see, or maybe gets to peer through the clouds and see what we're doing. On rough days, he's probably rolling his eyes or laughing at me, and on fun days, he's having as much fun as I am when Max and Lucy smile or discover something new.
I'm quite the sentimental fool. So, knowing that I can "go visit" Dad anytime I go to the ocean, it's very comforting. Even in Galveston, it was a very overwhelming and comforting feeling. We're thinking of taking another trip soon for relaxation as well as paying homage to Dad's love of the great wide open.
If you'd like, then download and play A Pirate Looks at Forty by Jimmy Buffet and/or If I Had a Boat by Lyle Lovett and toast my Dad.
I pride myself on doing things that no one else has done. So if anyone talks to Jimmy Buffet soon, please ask him if anyone other than my dad has had A Pirate Looks At Forty played at their funeral. We filtered the drug smuggling part out. However, his ex-wife and three of his girlfriends were in the pews. I find that quite profound. Note the lyrics...this was my Dad:
Song and lyrics by: Jimmy Buffett 1974
Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
You've seen it all, you've seen it all
Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
Most of 'em dream, most of 'em dream
Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder
I'm an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late
I've done a bit of smugglin',
I've run my share of grass
I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast
Never meant to last, never meant to last
And I have been drunk now for over two weeks
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks
But I got stop wishin', got to go fishin'
Down to rock bottom again
Just a few friends, just a few friends (instrumental)
I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran 'em away, they'd come back one day
Still could manage to smile
Just takes a while, just takes a while
Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I've found
My occupational hazard being my occupation's just not around
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown
Thanks for reading. It was therapeutic to write this.
That's how I roll.