Well, I thought I would try to cut back on writing about anymore bodily functions. But it appears that, indeed, Ol Utie warrants her own book, or a couple of posts.
About a week ago I went to the doctor for the check up from the surgery. To which I got a fairly interesting description of what took so long. It turns out, the Uterus of Steel really is. First, I carried full sized twins past term, now this. The doctor had updated Ricardo while I was in recovery, that Utie wasn't fully cooperating. So I inquired.
The thing about doctors is all the jackasses before who sued their doctors for very expensive things like, relaxing, and being human and kidding around or even talking normal to their patients. It takes me a while to get my doctors to a) talk to me in English, and 2) laugh at my jokes. And God forbid they joke back. But it's been my experience that elaborating in dialogue with humor can lead to many more enlightening points made.
For example, when I tell my girlfriends about my surgery, they say in complete amazement: "You can do that? You can just make it go away?" Yes, you can. And so, I've enlightened my people. Go and be enlightened.
Okay, so I meet the intern first. They are REAL hard to break in. She comes in before real doctor comes in, and just checks the easy stuff. Meanwhile, I've just discovered that there's pictures and things to read on the ceiling. I'm not in the ol stirrups, but lo, I've found the literature in the event I end up there. So the intern is grilling me with real tough questions, like, "Are you experiencing any pain?" And I can't take my eyes off the ceiling. "Sorry to be so distracted, but this is hillarious, did you know that the incubation of rabbits is a month? And elephants is almost TWO YEARS!?"
"Uh, no ma'am, I didn't. Did you have any nausea or are you experiencing any now?"
"Nope, had the best nap of my life, though. What are they teaching you in med school that you don't know the incubation periods of other mammals?"
HAHAHAHAH! Oh, sigh, she thought it was SLIGHTLY amusing, but she was saved by the entrance of real doctor. Real doctor walks in and says, "How are you?" And I just cut right to it, "I heard my uterus was a bit uncooperative."
I am so glad I asked because I laughed so hard. She laughed, which permitted the intern to laugh and then consider changing her specialty, I'm sure. Turns out, Utie spit the procedure out FIVE TIMES. That validates the doctor calling the reps for the procedural equipment to see if they have a bad piece of equipment. That must have been a funny conversation. "I've read the manual, and done this procedure before, but it just won't take, Bob...yes, you heard me correctly, the uterus just contracts and spits it out...yes Bob, five times."
BAHAHAH! I'm so proud. The sixth time worked. And all is well on the homefront.
My doctor ended the visit with, "I've gotta tell you, I've never seen anything like that. Never even heard of it." I explained about after I delivered the kids, my OB couldn't get my Utie to stop contracting and go down in size. You know, when you hear your OB who's working on you say, "Oh Shit!" You wonder.
Fast forward to current, my doctor replies, "Yeah, you're not supposed to say that, but I can definitely see why she did."
I'm so proud to have Utie, the medical mystery. I like to be unique like that. And, the fact that the doctor won the fight and put her in her place is even BETTER. It's like an old western movie or something.
That's how I roll.
OMG, you seriously do have the uterus of steel. I am very impressed.