I remember crystal clear when I was working in a fine establishment known as AQHA. That's American Quarter Horse Association for the non- owners, breeders, or riders. (Horse breeders...not you men who'd like to think that was your profession. Go forth and breed.) I worked in marketing, I was convinced it would be sports marketing. It wasn't. Again, that's a different post.
I was five months pregnant with twins. They were big back then, too. So was I. I'm sure I looked like I was full-term. Rumor had it that the top guy at the office was afraid of me, which inevitably I am proud of. I'm not sure if he was afraid of my double hormones + my height + my growing weight and bigness, or if he was just afraid to get on the elevator with me because of the minor infraction of weight capacity that together, we were risking it all. I was five months pregnant with twins, and the youth coordinator comes in one day and asks if I could watch a speaker's kid while she speaks at the youth conference. I startled myself and Christa with: "No way! I'm not comfortable around kids." She looked at me, and then looked at my belly and swollen ankles in a bit of confusion.
Well, I'm happy to explain as half of you probably already get it. I'm happy to procreate little beings for me to be in charge of. It's other people's kids I'm not a big fan of, and adding in the stigma of me having to accomodate and be polite to the kid and the mom since she is a speaker for AQHA, well, I was brilliant to say no to that.
The summer has begun, preschool has ended. And I got some big idea to get a preschool summer activity book for my kids, to keep tabs on them and prepare them for preschool next year. Today was day one. "I'm not comfortable around kids" is ringing in my ears. 20 minutes of pure hell convincing two three-year olds to trace lines, focus, and keep trying.
How do preschool teachers do it? When they go to college, do they have to complete 12 hours of college courses based solely on therapy and relaxation techniques? It's 10 a.m. and I need a vodka tonic.
We got through it, and I'm only juiced up on coffee, so far. But I reserve the right to bust out a little rum in the diet coke if need be. Holy crap. Lucy did just fine. No problem. Max, we think may be left-handed. But he's having difficulty grasping and controlling a pen, pencil, or crayon. He said he wanted a marker, maybe I should let him try that. Have you ever taught a three year-old how to hold and write with a pen or pencil? If you're feeling very relaxed and need some insanity in your life, I recommend it. After two screaming fits and two time-outs in his room, we've finished the activity.
After I told Christa I wasn't comfortable with kids, I just KNOW she called someone in the office and told them what happened followed with, "Does this idiot know she's about to have two kids!?" Yes, I did. But Christa, I'm still not quite sure the kids should be in my care. I made the right decision for your speaker's kid...pray for mine.
We'll stick with it. I'll simply have to stock the liquor cabinet abundantly, and we'll stick with it.
That's how I roll.