I am one big oxymoron, with emphasis on the moron part. So, it was only perfect when Ricardo and I were watching a cable tv program called "Honey We're Killing the Kids" that we decided to get rid of our cable. You think when I call to cut it off, I should tell them they can thank TLC?
Oh, I'm nuts for doing this. Trust me. No one loves the tv more than yours truly. I think I get it from my dad. My dad proudly expressed his great love of veggin on the couch. He'd talk about how it was so cool when they got a tv when he was a kid and how moving pictures would come into their home. They lived on a farm in Waco, so I'm guessing the boobtube saved his life from things like inseminating cows or David Koresh for entertainment. Dad loved tv, he loved watching it, he loved falling asleep in front of it, teaching me at an early age that broadcasted golf games do indeed serve a purpose: naptime. He passed on his passion of couch potatoness to me. At present, I can't fall asleep without the lullaby of television. Getting rid of it ought to be interesting.
Even moreso, my three year old son has inherited the alarming talent of television viewing. I have a responsibility to keep him from the couch, right? It's only pertinent seeing as how when he turns four, he starts training for the NBA, MLB, or maybe NHL.
I'm on the phone with Gary the cable guy, not to be confused with Larry the Cable Guy. I'm fairly certain Cox Cable Customer Service they were trained by top drug dealers. This is seriously the conversation we had:
"What are you going to do for tv?" I was fairly proud of my response, "We're going to get a life, maybe sit around and look at each other, hold hands and sing Kumbahya, talk about our feelings, you know...weird stuff like that. " I really did say that.
"Okay, I'm going to log in here and while that's uploading, it gives you a chance to back out." "I'm going to have to put you on hold" (three times)
"Are you sure you don't want to keep your basic cable to keep up with the news and current events?" Me: "Uh no sir, that's what the internet is for, right?" Gary: "Oh."
"When would you like to cancel that?" Well, what are my options? Gary: "Never, in a few months, whatever" What the hell people? I see now why your company is named Cox. What I really said, "How about today? Today would be a great day." Gary after her types in something enlightening on his keyboard, I'm sure, "Okay, Thursday, it'll all be gone."
"Ok, You're all set. If and when you change your mind, give us a call back and we'll set you up again." Uh, thanks.
I'm sure they are a bit pieved at us. In the last two days, we've cancelled our cable and phone. Today I called to tell them that watching a cable program enticed us to get rid of cable, and yesterday I stuck it to them with a better plan from Vonage. That lady was a biotch, Linda at Cox. If you get her on the phone, tell her I said hello. Linda the good bitch:"Oh, Vonage... You'll hate their service and be back to us within the year." Me: Uh, where on your script under CUSTOMER SERVICE is that response recommended?
Anyways, I'm blaring music as I type. My other passion. I will miss my newly discovered Food Network. God Bless Paula Deen and our mutual passion for butter. I'll go see her next year. Should be fun. I should also shamefully note that I've watched Days Of Our Lives since I was in junior high in the summers. I made it through Marlena being possessed. That was a tough time, I still can't believe Stefano saved her from it. Like he would be the one...as if. And I was soooo ticked when they were in the middle of it and interrupted it so that we could all see OJ in his white broncho on a low speed chase. Don't they know Marlena was possessed and needed to be saved!? Geesh! See, this is why I had my cable turned off. There's still a chance we'll get some local channels and maybe a little PBS. Oh, don't worry about us too much. We have 2 VCR's and a DVD player. Let's not forget my other vice...email and internet. I'll still have that, and vodka. This could get interesting.
I need to cook more, read to my kids more, get outside more, pay attention to Farley the wonderdog, snuggle with Ricardo more, call more pals, play with my kids more, get the laundry done in one day rather than three, read more, write more. I'm feeling better already.
I'm also feeling better because I've mapped out a few things. Thing one, the kids have dvds. Thing two, there's tvs at the gym. Thing three, I'll be rocking out a lot more from my music downloads.
I find it very poignant that while I'm typing, my playlist just hit Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.
I fell into a burning ring of fire.
I went down down down,
And the flames went higher.
And it burns burns burns,
The ring of fire.
The ring of fire.
Yeah, the song is about forbidden love....perfect.
That's how I roll.
