While recovering from "the work I had done" as mentioned in the previous post, I had the sheer luxury of being taken care of by Ricardo. More importantly, Ricardo was able to take care of me. MEEEEEE. And he was able to do that because his mom graciously came in to help us with the kids on fairly short notice. So, when she came up on day two, to see if I needed anything, as she left, I turned to my niece, who was keeping me company and said,
"Sweetie, don't marry for love. Find yourself a good potential mother-in-law, and just marry her son."
I meant it too. She's 12, so she didn't get it. But I meant it. My MIL, (MIL = Mother-In-Law, FIL=Father-In-Law, and guess what, PIL=Parents-In-Law) she's one heck of a woman. We're pals, and I'm grateful to her for helping us, but more importantly, for loving and supporting a whacko like me. FIL is great too. Ricardo's whole family is easy going, fun to be around. Thus, Ricardo, I'm guessing.
If you're single, or on the verge of getting married, take heed. And I really mean this. You better take a good long look at your PIL's. I got lucky. But you, you need to double check a few things. Try to envision what they'd do in a tense situation involving you and your family. Would they a) help you, b) blame you, c) get drunk and say nothing. If it's anything other than "a", walk away. WALK AWAY! I got lucky. I did not take this test. But, five years into this gig, the answer has been nothing but "a".
Sometimes, the PIL's are not in the picture. That may work. Other times, the PIL's are a little TOO in the picture. If your PIL's are abundantly showering you with gifts and cash...walk away. Chances are, they want something in return, usually control. Momma's having a hard time getting baby off the ninny. You better just walk away. Because, nothing says, "I still have control" to a MIL quite like money. Trust me.
Here's some more situations to consider. If you can with the slightest inkling foresee or imagine your IL's doing anything like this:
If the MIL suggests it's your fault that you had a miscarriage, walk away.
If the PIL's have the potential to sue for custody/grandparents rights of the kids you have yet to have in the event that something should happen to your spouse. Walk away.
If the PIL's offer to buy you a house or a car with some sidenote involved like (If you stay home with the kids and don't work, or If you stay here in town with us.) WALK AWAY.
Your MIL is standing over you, just hours after you've given birth to your first child and while your trying to do the whole breastfeeding thing, she's inches from you watching your every move. WALK AWAY.
If you call your MIL and explain you are ending her grandkids to lucky #X, you're getting your tubes tied and she says, "You can't do this to me! Hell no I won't watch your brats! I need more grandbabies." Uh, yeah, don't let that door hit you on the way out. Walk away from the big church and dress and save yourself now.
These are all actual situations. Don't think it can't happen to you! It can and it will.
Here's some more: If you can foresee:
If the PILs talk to you, and listen to you and don't just consider you an ornamental figure at the Christmas dinner. Keep the ring on your finger.
If any of the IL's ask you how you're doing and are you okay after your father's death, when they've just walked out of their own family's funeral. KEEP THEM.
If you call with bad news on any level to the PIL and MIL and only get "What can we do to help?" as a response. MARRY NOW.
If MIL and PIL always ask what they can bring and oblige your request of the same items everytime because they are so yummy, even though you ask for it EVERY TIME, with no objections they bring it. MARRY SOON!
If you're happy to answer the phone and talk to them even though caller ID says its spouse's parents instead of yours. GET HITCHED, it's a go!
If you call your MIL and tell her you're getting your tubes tied and she offers without question to help with the kids. Consider her for sainthood.
Oh, there's more. But really, I think I've made my point. In review, I have the best PIL's in the world. But there's still some second placers out there who are probably okay to consider.
I don't care what you think, I'm right on one thing, and that is for sure. It's this: You do NOT just marry a person. You marry an entire family.
If you think I'm wrong, get married, and call me about a year into it.
That's how I roll.
