Here it is folks, my original dissertation.
I was thinking. And so I wrote this. I'm writing it three days after Mother's day because...well, I'm a Mom. And I've got all this brilliance in my head, it just takes me a little longer to get it on
paper. So Mom, friends, twins read and take heed.
I had a great first Mother's Day. My sweet Ricardo planned a get-away trip with his buddy six months ago to which neither of us realized until recently, the trip was on Mother's Day weekend. Not to worry, what better way to spend my first Mother's Day than with my babies....I called on my friend, Liz, to help me with them at church. My thinking was, you GOTTA go give thanks and props to God for these beautiful babes, right? So we went. Liz, who is engaged and probably considering future plans for children, after church Sunday has probably RECONSIDERED and redirecting focus to a nice quiet life with just her and her man and
their dog for now. Max and Lucy are twins. They're 8 months old. There is a reason for growth progression, I'm learning very quickly.
You see, Ricardo and I are very tall. I'm 6'3" and Ricardo is 6'8". So, ofcourse our children are destined to be tall. Add in the twin factor. So, an 8 month old baby is wiggly, newly mobile, and very curious. Max and Lucy do great in church. They are quiet...they are just wiggly and about the size of most 1 year olds. So, you've got two 8 month old babies who weigh about 23 pounds each, wiggling around for an hour.
Liz, the trooper she is, was more than happy to hold on, entertain, and play with Lucy. I got Max. They were great. The message was to the graduating seniors of the parish: Love your mother and do great things. Nice message...What I heard was blah-blah-blah-blah....LOVE YOUR MOTHER. Someone pooed. So after assessing the direction of the smell, I took Lucy to the ladies room and changed her. No poo....just powerful gas, I suppose. Church ended and soon we were on our way to take Liz home. So, it was just the three of us for the rest of the day. I could tell the babies were asleep now and thought, this will be nice, I'll get them home and to bed for their nap and relax a little. I made sure they were very asleep, even driving around a little extra before I got home to assure they would continue their nap.
But there's one of me and two of them. I'm pretty sure they did their twin telepathy thing while sleeping because they both came out of their car seats sleeping hard. It was when I put them in their cribs that they cried in agony to be held. I shuttled them back and forth and got them situated in their sea of toys in the living room. They screamed when I left the room to get them their bottles. Oh crap, I'm out of bottles. Okay, make some bottles...where's the gas relief stuff we put in the freshly made bottles? It's not on the counter...maybe it's in their room "Hold on sweeties, mommy's coming." Not in their room, maybe I'll have to give them foamy bottles....there it is, in the diaper bag. Okay, two bottles coming up....I have to get them in their wobbly walkers so I can feed them at the same time. I lift Max up, he stops crying, but then resumes the crying when he realizes I'm putting him back down in the walker. Lucy's turn, same thing.
Okay, they're both settled, both still communicating VERY EFFECTIVELY, I might add...annnnnnddddd, here's your bottle. Whew! A moment of quiet while they eat. While they eat, I'm thinking of strategizing how I'm going to burp them when they are done. I figured I'd just burp one and the other can wait, and then burp the other. So they finish. Max finishes before Lucy, but I figure, I'll let Lucy finish hers before I get the burping going. So Lucy finishes, I burp Max, Lucy screams at me something to the effect, "Why are you holding him and not MEEEEE!?" I just don't know where she gets that from (tee hee hee). Max burps I put him down, he cries while crawling around playing with toys. I pick up Lucy and before I can even commence the burping...she barfs all over the both of us. So I take her to change her outfit. Now Max is REALLY mad because we have left him to play all by himself. I get Lucy changed just in time to realize I've just left an 8 month old boy alone and unattended.
Sure enough, I walk out to the living room, and he's not there. Pause for a slight moment of panic effect. He's in the living room, playing with the vaccuum cleaner. SUPER! I swoop them up and put them back (I've figured out a way to swoop and carry them both) in their wobbly walker thingies. This assures they won't celebrate their new crawling capabilities and get into something they shouldn't while I changed my barf-soiled clothes. Whew. I check the clock: 4 hours till their bed time. I can make it. At this point, I give in to the pressures of tv. If any of you have small children and don't own a Baby Beethoven tape...I HIGHLY RECOMMEND FOR YOUR OWN SANITY YOU GET ONE.
I don't know WHAT our parents did for relief...but really, some chick developed somekind of cult like hypnotic series of "educational" shows for newborns and toddlers. And I'm ALL FOR IT. The dvd version has a continual play option and I LOVE IT. So, I get their show on, they are
just screaming at the top of their lungs at this point. I make some sippie cups for them, still screaming and beautiful. Get them situated to watch their show, it comes on, and they immediately stop crying and are mesmerized. Suddenly they both look at me as if to say, "You're still here!?"
I walk away, clean the kitchen, get their empty bottles washed, and make some more bottles for the day, throw some laundry in the wash, put my hair back up because they pulled it out of my clip, go turn on the sprinkler and water the yard, and take the trash out. Glad I got the break.
They finish their tape, I change their diapers,give them a bath, get them changed into their night onesies. We play for a while. Which is FUN. I don't know what I get more joy from...when
they smile at me, or when they catch glances with each other and smileat each other. Then it's time for their last bottle and bed.
The two to one ratio doesn't work in a situation like this. Usually, Ricardos feeds one, I feed the other, and they fall asleep, we put them to bed.
Not so much now. Uggh....we got through it, but it wasn't pretty. Lucy, you can feed her, and she'll go to bed and sleep through the night, no prob. Not so much if Max is screaming mad because she's getting a bottle and he's not. Most of you know what I'm talking about, because you've seen my son. He doesn't miss a meal. Good googly. So, I got Lucy fed, and put her in her crib, she didn't like that too much. Usually, you can let her fuss a little and she'll go to sleep. So, I left her to fuss a little and tended to Max. She WAILED. And Max slammed the bottle and looked up at me as if to say, "So can I play with my singing car, or should I go for the cool airtivity toy first?" Three hours after their normal bed time, I got them to sleep. OY VEY. I finally got them to sleep,changed out the laundry, folded some clothes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, figured out what I'd wear to work the next day, got the dishwasher emptied and filled up the bottles with water.
I got their diaper bag packed with a spare set of clothes and some baby food and a new thing of diapers. I changed my clothes, crawled into bed, closed my eyes, and then Max woke up, I was exhausted. It was the best day of my life. Hug your mother.
My mom and I didn't have the best of relationships when I was younger. We're good now. But really, I sat there and thought: that poor woman...she did this for me, and with GRATITUDE. If you've read this and you're not a mom, let me tell you something. In my whopping eight months of experience in being a mom, I've had the most clarity in realizing one thing: My mom did this for me. I do it and LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT, truly I do. When Max wakes up in the middle of the night, I get up grateful for the fact that I have a healthy child to tend to in the middle of the night. My mother, did this for me. She's weird, we don't agree on a lot, she can be VERY persistent, and I love her very much.
My mom did this for me. Wow.
Thanks Mom!
**I'll be travelling for this Mother's day, but it's 30 hours round trip with two 3-year-olds and me. So, I'm guessing it'll produce some good blog content. Mother's day dissertations are always posted the day after anyways. That's how I roll.